🔮retoot this and il tell you how you die
You choke on 1 singular, entire strawberry while trying to show off to your beautiful s/o

naruto becomes real long enough to flay you alive
you die of being too excited
you die in a horrific sperm bank incident

@FrenchedPig you smother yourself to death in a blanket burrito

You are drawn and quartered by an angry trucker gang. 7 semis rip you apart

you die, suspended in jello, made with mayo instead of water

you are catapulted at 468 miles per hour at a saguaro cactus

you die after someone gets angry that you have the longest url ever

you win a pineapple-eating contest. The sheer amount of citric acid dissolves you into a puddle.


you step on a rake and it kills you

you are the first human to sucessfully have their conciousness uploaded to a computer. you get a virus.
you fall out of your skin while walking to the tooth store.

@maria someone insults you as a joke and you die from it.

@warren_j you die of your pants being pulled up too high

you get all your toes shot off.
you are reclaimed by the earth. in non-poetic terms however you fell into a ravine.

you hitch a ride on a space ferry down in the cargo bay. there isn't any oxygen down there.

you die decorating your house for Halloween. Not on a ladder or anything, you're just really bad with tangles
you use poisonous plants in homemade potions.


you are swarmed by pigeons who eat you alive

you are wacked to death by 20+ people with protest signs

you drown in a washing machine. as per your last will, you are then put in the dryer.

you play the hostage in a movie.
they accidentally use live ammo.

you stumble around in the darkness ave fall off the cliff in your bedroom. yep.

@vaquitas you're an aspen. you live a long life. a couple carves their initials into your bark. hurts a little but it's worth it. years later they get married under your thick canopy. you exhaust your nutrients at the age of 216 and you are at peace.


@8track but my dumbass would die in such a cartoonish way lmao


@Wrathy to be fair the rake was pretty cool.

@howdy you die of your own ego.
more specifically you die of getting trampled by 6 horses and run over by an Amish buggy

@8track @maria Sounds like someone is too good at being a Bard.

@8track this is so uplifting because my family won't let me celebrate Halloween and this means I get to celebrate it at least once before I die. thanks so much :')

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