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I am better looking, smarter, and much stronger than every single human baby

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people who crosspost from mastodon to twitter are missing out on the opportunity to have a sort of Pokemon Red/Pokemon Blue set of timelines.

Sorry everyone!! I’m moving to a different server. Please come follow me at my account.
A_Sav@ohnomy.rocks

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LOL @ super competative folks trying to rile me up. Pals, I eat L's for breakfast.

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I never thought in a million years that I would ever attend a ribbon cutting ceremony. But here I am with scissors in the Macy’s being asked to pay for all these cut in half ties.

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Millennial: *slaps coffin lid*

you can fit so many bullshit Boomer obsessions in this thing

My favorite picture of my dog. One day I want this turned to a painting and have it placed over my mantle.

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Tfw it's 2004 and you wanna log onto Disney Dot Com so you go ask your mom and she says no but then you go ask your dad and he says yes

So, I didn’t get the job. I could use some positivity right about......now.

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Me during sex: hurt me

You all: no, that's twitter mentality

Me: what?

You: you don't need a meme format to talk about your insecurities here

You have to tell me if you’re an NSA agent. It’s against the law if you don’t tell me.

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Spelling Bee Judge: Your word is “Scrub”

Spelling Bee Contestant: Could I hear the word used in a sentence?

SBJ: “No, I don’t want no scrub”

SBC: Could I hear the definition?

SBJ: A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me. Hangin' out the passenger side of his best friend's ride. Trying to holla at me.

@dan

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@A_Sav I was just thinking about how refreshing it was that TLC gave us such a through and complete description of a “scrub”, so we weren’t confused when listening.

There are not enough hit songs now-a-days that teaches dances moves in the lyrics.

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