Just had a huge impulse to watch Invader Zim only to find that I don't have any of it anymore.

Fame is just an expression of market value. That piano savant tradesman is "wasting his talent" on fixing houses because he needs to eat. I am Jack's capitalist destruction of culture.

Two totally different people fused together to form a coherent other self walking around and the slightest disruption splits them apart because they both want to be in focus. Fusions are so hugely relatable on the level of how I just exist as a person. Everything is so chill until I go to war with myself.

My cat tore my keychain apart and it’s his baby now.

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Holding hands in public: If someone messes with you they mess with us both. Free to allied hand-sanitiser users.

Holding hands while walking: Sweaty. Awkward finger placement and trajectory politics. Why would you do this to me.

Holding hands in bed: Thank you. The joy of spooning is a malicious lie. May these united kingdoms forever reign comfortable.

Holding hands while eating: Attempts to do so will be considered an act of war.

I have had consistent dreams about the apocalypses for about two weeks now. I’m so impressed that they’ve all been so different, my brain is so amazingly creative about our extinction. Sometimes it tries to save us, mostly kind of just walks along side and watches it happen. But golly, might write a book of short stories about the end of everything.

Sleep Show more

The truest simultaneously situation-loathing and self-pitying expression of this world.

We are cat-sitting a friend’s baby named Vlad.
My cat, Google, hates this.

LEGO movie 2 the second part was enjoyable but for real I’m so distracted by my hype for Detective Pikachu.

Next year at 11:59PM 7th of March I’m going to repost this. Remind me. (Twitter screencap) Show more

I’m so tired that
Executive functioning
Little sausage rolls
A sticky bun
Is a roll a bun
What is a bun
I made up the word bun

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finding dory conspiracy theory time part 1 Show more

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