Black Userstories @Blackuserstories@mastodon.social

AS A parody account
I WANT to amuse you with black user stories
SO THAT you can laugh about the sad reality.

AS A Twitter account for black user stories
I WANT to have a website at https://blackuserstories.com
SO THAT I can scare even more users.

AS A Mastodon user
I WANT to crosspost to https://twitter.com/blackuserstory
SO THAT you can ignore your goals of leaving Twitter behind.

AS A #Alexa User
I WANT Amazon staff to listen to my recordings
SO THAT they can laugh at my awful dialect.

AS a Facebook user
I WANT Facebook to store my password in plaintext
SO THAT 20,000 employees can laugh about my easy password.

AS A newsletter user
I WANT companies to check my e-mail using a verification service
SO THAT my e-mail address is published in an open mongo db.

AS A federal police authority
I WANT to store bodycam recordings in the cloud
SO THAT a minor misconfiguration can expose them to the whole world.

AS A messenger user
I WANT people to be able to find me using my phone number
SO THAT my abusive ex knows when I am chatting.

AS A sex toy owner
I WANT my vibrator to connect to the cloud
SO THAT I can accidentally share how often I masturbate.

AS A Facebook user
I WANT Facebook to suggest new friends based on my location
SO THAT I get to know the other patients of my psychologist.

AS A Twitter account for black user stories
I WANT to have a website at https://blackuserstories.com
SO THAT I can scare even more users.

AS A User
I WANT the ToS to be 32 pages long
SO THAT I have a good excuse why I did not read them anyway.

AS A Netflix user
I WANT the next episode to start automatically
SO THAT I do not need to consider going to bed at 2am.

AS A chinese user
I WANT to government to filter the internet
SO THAT I can easily avoid reading the wrong news.

AS A devop
I WANT to use a container built by a stranger
SO THAT I have less work deploying it without noticing the bitcoin miner on the mail server.

AS A news reader
I WANT the website to use Facebook for comments
SO THAT my friends can see what stupid things I post below the article.

AS A search engine user
I WANT to have personalized results
SO THAT I do not need to leave my bubble.

AS A PC-User
I WANT to have a management engine in my CPU
SO THAT I can compute while I compute.

AS A gamer
I WANT to have a game with lootboxes
SO THAT I have a positive surprise, when every 100th contains something valuable.

AS a Twitter user
I WANT Twitter to keep my deleted messages
SO THAT they still can leak in the next data breach.

AS A browser user
I WANT my browser to stop extensions from modifying websites
SO THAT nobody can damage my user experience by removing all the interesting ads.

AS A video platform
WE WANT to show you many flat earth and anti vaccine videos
SO THAT you keep being a stupid person, but click more ads than the educated ones.

AS A company
WE WANT to take your privacy and security seriously
SO THAT you won't be mad at us when you find all your data in a pastebin.