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AS A video platform
WE WANT to show you many flat earth and anti vaccine videos
SO THAT you keep being a stupid person, but click more ads than the educated ones.

AS A company
WE WANT to take your privacy and security seriously
SO THAT you won't be mad at us when you find all your data in a pastebin.

AS A EU citizen
I WANT to have
SO THAT my schoolmate's stupid YouTube channel is closed.

AS A public transport user
I WANT to the surveillance cameras to have microphones
SO THAT at least the security guard is listening when I bore the people I am talking to in the subway.

AS A PC user
I WANT to be unable to turn off updates
SO THAT my PC needs to install updates for half an hour when I have to do a important presentation.

AS A developer
I WANT my team chat to need 4 GB of RAM
SO THAT I have a reason to get a new workstation.

AS A smarthome owner
I WANT my alarm system to have a microphone
SO THAT the Google Assistant hears me screaming when somebody murders me.

AS A Mastodon user
I WANT to crosspost to
SO THAT you can ignore your goals of leaving Twitter behind.

AS A parody account
I WANT to amuse you with black user stories
SO THAT you can laugh about the sad reality.


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