Pinned toot

[At the United States patent office]:

[Me]: "This is my design for a self-reheating, self-refilling bath tub that uses sustainable, renewable energy..." *hands over document*

[Patent Clerk]: *looks over paper* "...this is just a diagram of you pissing in the bathwater your bathing in..."

[Me]: *nodding* "Genius, right?"

Pinned toot

0/0 boosts/faves is what we here on Mastodon call the "absolute master tooter's ratio."

Pinned toot

"I never really did understand the phrase "every man who dies must die alone,"" I remarked to my beanie baby wife.

Pinned toot

"Twerkin' hard or hardly twerkin'?" I asked my coworker as my ass pulsated to the industrial beats of the workplace.

Pinned toot

"Guess I flew a little too close to the sun, huh?" I remarked as the firefighters used a jackhammer to remove my hog from the concrete that dried surprisingly fast.

Like, its obvious that decreases in welfare will lead to increases in crime (or what the state calls crime), but realize that this was a deliberate, conscious policy. This is why for-profit prisons boomed in the Reagan era--they were safety valves for the excess humans that society had to stow away, but which the state didn't have the capacity to house. They quickly allowed for and utilized them because they knew what the effect of the policies would be.

Show thread

I dont know who needs to know this, but the concurrence of austerity--the vicious slashing of social spending across the board--and the growth of the carceral state and industrial complex are no coincidence. That's the most simple definition of what neoliberalism is, and what its project means for us.

The fact that France is thinking about passing that law against recording cops makes me wonder if Le Pen would've done anything similar

I'm receiving word that ppl tend to say "I can't be the only one who thought--" just before describing something that totally only they, the sick fukc that they are, thouhgt

i am going to murder someone, to show everybody that murder is wrong

I'm clearing off the shelves as part of the packing process (way ahead of schedule to prevent future stress), so now a corner of my room is just books

Show thread

I think a lot of people think being rich is just having a hoard of cash that you dig into, and will thus dimish but still outlive you, when really it's like buying a new car every day and watching the money reaccumulate in your bank account the next day.

I'm so tirwd since Trump lost--Ive been doing notbing but eating brunch 3x a day too make up for yhe last 4 years. It's exjausting!!!

I'm starting to think that Herbert Walker really did kill JFK

If yuo buy a real Christmas tree amd commit ecocide than you don't deserve to have your best bro fukc your wife

Show older
Mastodon

Server run by the main developers of the project 🐘 It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!