Show newer

any sad bitch can die of a surfeit of lampries. upon my inevitable ascent to the throne, it is my sole intention to become the first king of england to die of a deficit of lampries

People often askme: "how do yuo post so good?" It raelly all comes down to a deal I made witb a very strange man and his weird dog at a crossroads, wbere he offered me "unsurpassed poastimg skills for a small fee"...he never charged me tho,, there's really been no downsides ever since..

To recap, though, Christmas tree farms are fantastic sources of oxygen, require very little carbon to maintain, preserve native tree species like the balsam fir in northeast North America, and artificial trees are carbon and plastic intensive and most cannot be recycled

Show thread

I also refuse to pay a double pet deposit so I'm gonna tell them I only have one cat. Which means one of them is gonna get snuck in by placing their carrier in a Rubbermaid tub sorry bb bois

Show thread

I'm particularly worried about Max because he has comfortable hiding spots and he's very sensitive to changes

Show thread

I'm worried about how Max and Nestor are gonna take the move--it'll be their first time adjusting to a new place

The rona's bringing a lot of contradictions to the surface for people to see

Gargron we are but you're humblw children yuo cannot turn away from us father

Mr president plaese sir, use yuor remaining days wisely and do what we in the working class havw wanted you to do from day one: please fukc our wives by executive order

Mr. President, thank you for agreeing to discuss this important topic with me. recently many voters, on both sides of the aisle, have become aware of and disturbed by several social media posts you made in the middle 2010s where you started that your interest in human pets was "not a sex thing". Do you stand by this statement?

Idk who suggested to read "Foucault and Neoliberalism" but thank you its really helped me

Get a man who looks at you like Pappy Bush looked at grocery store checkout lane

i want to lay face down on a brick driveway in a suburban cul de sac and become one with the season's first frost. but instead im clocking in to another shift at the dick sucking factory

Pissing all over my hands--complwtely sterile, no need to wash

I want to be accosted by shitty emo music, terribke font, jarring color schemes amd sparkle effects--give it to us now Gargron!!

Show thread
Show older
Mastodon

Server run by the main developers of the project 🐘 It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!