Let’s all appreciate that we drink “milk” and not “nipple juice.”

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1

Celebrities pee next to random strangers in public restrooms and will never remember it but the strangers will always remember peeing next to that celebrity.

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Somewhere out there, there could be aliens making films about us invading them.

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0

Cute nicknames like "Trash Panda" and "Danger Noodle" would probably be considered slurs in Zootopia.

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2

J.K. Rowling came out with Harry Potter just in time. A few years later, newspapers with moving pictures would be pretty ordinary, and Hermione would just be Googling stuff.

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Army Barbers get paid to shave their Privates

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Whether you were a good person or a shit person, you will have left the world a better place when you die.

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Being attracted to people who wear glasses is the one fetish for physically impared that's socially acceptable

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1

If you had a dollar for every time a girl found you unattractive, they will eventually find you attractive

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Forget superheroes. True strength is the ability to move a full shopping trolley around a corner, and making it look like you're not straining.

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There are young smartphone users that have no idea why the phone icon is shaped the way it is.

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“Worlds best Dad” mugs are a really passive aggressive gift for kids if same-sex couples

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People that ask a question on the internet that could be easily looked up on Google, might be looking for some basic human interaction as well as an answer, please keep this in mind when replying.

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Evolution is like accidentally fucking up a piece of code but keeping it because it somehow works better.

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2

5 is the only odd number that doesn’t seem odd, such as when setting the volume, leaving it on 5 or 25 is alright.

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A clean shaven Chewbacca would be nightmare material.

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It's very unsettling to see your friend lie convincingly to someone else

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You can say “Happy new year” when congratulating someones birthday. For that person it’s a new year.

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Mastodon

This page describes the mastodon.social instance - wondering what Mastodon is? Check out joinmastodon.org instead! In essence, Mastodon is a decentralized, open source social network. This is just one part of the network, run by the main developers of the project 🐘 It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!

Hero image by @b_cavello