Pumpkin Spice Jen @ConfusedImp@mastodon.social

He played the chords
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Despacito

You might know me from Twitter as confusedimp, certainimp, impjen, or impposter.

When the doctor asks you to point to a face on the pain scale

If Joseph had carried jesus to term instead of Mary instead of immaculate conception we'd have impreg.

As we all know they're both laboratory mice. And both of their genes have been spliced. So how is it that one is a genius and the other is deranged? In this lecture we will examine the possibility that the megalomaniacal Brain is deranged. How then could Pinky be the genius? Two words:

Emotional intelligence.

At a friend's recommendation I checked out Savageland, a creepy documentary that uses an outbreak of monsters to talk about racism (with a disappointing end) and Absentia, Mike Flannagan's first zero budget outing that's surprisingly effective.

So what horror has everyone been watching this October?

Before he got into politics Hitler was a sandwich artist. A lot of people don't know this. Subway. Eat fash.

Each McDonald's mascot is an anthropomorphization of a menu item. Their character is the character of the food as envisioned by McDonalds. Cheeseburgers are charismatic, natural leaders. Burgers without cheese? They're inherently criminals.

Modrons.

The nice thing about mastodon is there are no gamers here. Call of Duty? Not today, satan, we're answering the Call of Tooty.

Uhh. Apparently modern naturalists primarily focus on getting kids and tour groups psyched about stuff modern science has confirmed while leading hikes and actually I want to do this?

Can i go back to school and get a degree in being a naturalist? I don't care if it pays.

All my life I've had a mild but pervasive fear of biology falling apart. Those dreams where your teeth get rotten or your hair comes out. Dermatology stuff.

Getting really interested in mushrooms has helped? I'm interested in rotting things and things that bloom. I'm handling wild toads. I think I've found my goth aesthetic?

Left is her cousin who visits sometimes at work. Smaller and more colorful, I think he's a he. Right is the best pic I have of bump friend.

The toad who lives on my doorstep (bump friend) is extremely active tonight and hopped on my foot while I was smoking, so I finally decided to try and ID her.

I'm pretty sure she's an American Toad, and a female one, based on her size, behavior, and markings.

Bump friend took it in good humor and I hope she survives the winter.

Ah, yes. Reed Richards' most famous and powerful foe: Doctor Domme.

This is the only time of the year I'm allowed to toot this. https://youtu.be/A6V2oCX3Hn4

Werewolf bar mitzvah. Spooky, scary. Boys becoming men. Men becoming wolves.

Fantasy mythology idea: the sun is cruel and cares not for us.

In fleeting moments it looks away, at dawn and dusk we find new things. But as it ascends it beats down, punishing us in our labors. It brings boils to our skin and dims our eyes over years.

We toil under its gaze not because it is benevolent or just, or because of its resurrection, but because it demands we toil and starves us if we don't.