I love people who try to be soft. I think about it a lot. I used to be an asshole when I was younger, I was sexist and racist, definitely shades of queerphobia (a lot of interalised shame about my own queerness). It was all about being edgy and tired of the world. I remember when I looked what I was saying and doing and went "no, actually, I am a good person, this is not what good people say and do."
I love people who have stared themselves down and gone "No."
I think it's always going to be hard over riding that knee jerk response of learn behaviour society and certain people instil in you. And that nagging fear of being a bad person deep down.
But goodness is a series of choices, kindness is a series of choices. Being soft is waking up and looking at your younger self and going "I know why you did this, but no more." and then walking away from that. As often as you can. And I love people who manage to do that.
