it's not so low that i have hypotension... so that's good?

blood pressure is consistently low on spiro... this might be problems if it does not stop dropping.

being trans is hard x_x

eye contact / selfie Show more

the journey begins 🏳️‍🌈
one spironolactone down

i guess i've been outed to extended family... wanted to be more sure but oh well :I

this might be the last weekend as a guy... it feels weird.
part of me is really excited, part of me is scared to death.

i kinda feel bad for the people i turned down while trying to date because in reality i was craving companionship but wasn't comfortable with myself so i just turned down people interested in me.

a friend keeps coming to use me as a crutch for their mental illness battle repeatedly and every time it gives me an anxiety attack. i am not, a therapist, i am a broken crutch, i cannot support you.

whhhy am i more confident on my identity when i am stoned vs sober?
someone said it's because i'm not caring about the social stigmas of my identity that society trained into me, but is it really that simple?

i have to keep myself from looking in the mirror else i get really upset esp if its at like 5am with no sleep.

"go to therapy"
I'M FREAKING TRYING!
the paid ones are out of my financial reach and the local ones through MCP are overloaded as it is, and i have been applying! my apps are just rptting somewhere as far as i know.

provided i can keep my nerve i guess i'm starting transition soon...feels strange to be saying that

oh god i don't wanna do this i don't wanna learn i am not strong enough to go through with it gghhhhrgh

mood Show more

mood Show more

i used to be afraid of the monsters and shadows that where always in the corners of my vision.
at some point bigger things than monsters came along.

got some meds and blood work done today. gotta run some tests and then they find out what's making me sick.

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