My dad called me to ask for a password to one of his accounts. I told him is was my name and the year I was born. He then asked me how to spell my name……. And the what year I was born. 🥲 love you too dad.

Selfie, Stern Eye Contact, This Eye Contact is So Stern Y'all 

Since I'm a Procrastinator, (a Professional Crastinator) I've decided to avoid the *massive* amount of work I need to churn through today, by taking and naming this selfie. #MascMonday, #FatBoyFall

I call this one, "Captain Higgins Warns You Damned Kids Away From the Haunted Tugboat."

Y’all ready for another embarrassing story? So I went into a store to buy supplies for this Mac and cheese recipe I saw online. While in the store I kept seeing this guy, every isle I went down, there he was. After 20 minutes of feeling like he was following me, I turn around, I look at him, then his cart and realized he had the same items in his cart that I did. He looked at me and then my cart and said “did you find this recipe on tictok” I SCREAMED I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO KIDNAP ME! ..yea

So lush has these little tablets that are meant to be tooth paste when you put them in your mouth and you brush like normal. I guess their logic behind the whole thing is to cut down on waste of plastic? Anyways, this lady watched me eat five thinking they were mints before she told me they were tooth paste.

I just HAD to get a Christmas tree covered in glitter........ my floor is equally covered.... 🥺🤭

fuck 

Fuck 2020, fuck covid, fuck this election, fuck my underpaid job, fuck my failed marriage, fuck the toxic guy after my failed married, fuck the guy next door using a chainsaw at 11 at night and fuck thanksgiving because I put my Christmas tree up today.

I don’t think there are enough words in the English language to describe how much I hate myself. So I’ve decided to take the time to learn another language.

selfie 

🥺 who trying to be my quarantine daddy.

I found some of my old myspace pictures and all I gotta say is I’m so fucking lucky I don’t have a box of hair bleach and we are in the middle of a stay at home order. I’m ready to give myself a chemical cut trying to achieve this blonde again. 😍😅

When you go over for a dick appointment and the dude dead ass makes you take your temperature to make sure you don’t have the rona.

So my job is closed. Unemployment is only going to pay me 10% of what I normally make when I already live paycheck to paycheck. Fuck my life.

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