It's so hard to get trousers that fit my body type ('Garden gnome who has given up trying').
Me when I do the Hoovering and one other thing on the same day.
https://mastodon.social/media/pVK3YD3ZhFkdA2NYF_w
Just approved the ad for my new laser eye surgery business. It's a picture of me giving a thumbs-up with the slogan 'I bet I can do it!'
Sounds paradoxical, but speaking for myself, loneliness is proportional to the number of people I'm around—I'd rather spend a day with four people than an evening with forty. Places like Facebook feel like malls full of super-popular people I don't know. Probably an introvert thing, but then again, almost everyone I've met on here seems to be an introvert.
Small is social. Large is alienating. This is hardly revelatory, but I didn't realize until now that this is why Mastodon is so addicting.
My new book, which the critics are calling 'Probably all right' and 'I don't know, it hasn't come out yet': https://unbound.com/books/married-to-a-cave-man
I bet Sean Spicer's mixed up in a real life body-swap comedy. Somewhere out there a competent press secretary is panicking over junior prom.
My son told me a joke.
Where do pirates go to shop?
-ARRRgos.
Except he didn't say 'ARRRgos', he said 'Argos' which is somehow funnier.
Stop saying Trump is like Hitler. It wasn't until the very end that Hitler spent all his time raging in a bunker.
I think the best way for me personally to get into Mastodon is to cross-post from Twitter, for now at least. If you follow me there too, I can see how that would be annoying so feel free to dump me either here or there.
I have an Unbound project - a comic novel called Married to a Cave Man - that's almost funded now. If you'd like to help me get it over the line, you can do so here: https://unbound.com/books/married-to-a-cave-man
I'd be super-grateful :)
Hi I'm MC Hammer. You know the only thing of mine you can't touch these days is...
[puts foot on chair, removes glasses]
...my Standard Life Personal Pension.
I think I've seen more mentions of Linux in a couple of days on Mastodon than I've seen in 8 years on Twitter.
Just testing this Show more
All those early days Twitter problems are coming flooding back to me. 'What's the point of saying anything? No one's listening', etc.
500 characters?!
*breathes into paper bag*
