alcohol 

hate it when im drinking vodka alone and the world shifts to grayscale while a wizened old russian man recounts a maudlin tale and string instruments play mournfully in the background

(To the tune of London Calling)

A nuclear error, but I have no fear
Cause London is drowning,
I, I live in a van down by the river!!!

going to start watching Star Trek DS9 so my song parodies of Ying Yang Twinz tracks about it are more accurate

@citrustwee @evan that was that animated movie where alec baldwin voiced a baby that drove an uber, right?

me, pulling out my Dick And Balls in the middle of a crowded T.G.I. Friday's: sorry, i am sorry, i am just up front. you can tell me to stop. some people think my dick and balls are good. i am sorry. give me a second chance.
[one week later to the minute]
me, being dragged out of a crowded T.G.I. Friday's with my trousers around my ankles: how was I to know

its basically impossible to investigate transit policy in even a cursory manner and not immediately become a raging socialist

Too many pictures on my screen
And all of them are screaming at me
Thought I had this insulation
The only way to stop the flood
Whenever feelings get too real
Is to cut the information

Show thread

We walk around inside each other
Visiting the empty rooms
Put me on, I'll put you on too
You knew I'd have to follow you
Because you saw I'm hollow too
But it's so nice being I too

Show thread

Marching across our own screens
Our faces form all our needs
The future's not returning
All bridges built for burning

How can there be anything wrong?
Aren't we the frozen ones?

One day I'll just erase the tape
Wave goodbye, and fade away
Get lost in the frost again
Leave the ashes of my face
At the bottom of your suitcase
Find a sunset, turn away

TFW a shitpost on twitter gets big enough that people start wanting you to explain why it's funny:

crazy how we're all fucking losers who unironically use an "alternative social network" on a day to day basis huh

This is MY son. He graduated #1 in boot camp. He was awarded the USO award. He was #1 in A school. He is a gentleman who respects women. He won't go on solo dates due to the current climate of false sexual accusations by radical feminists with an axe to grind. I VOTE. #HimToo

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