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@sortius @EricAlper always enjoy a first dog toon, enjoying it even more because it features a murder turkey

@lilstevie @EricAlper yeh, he does some good stuff, and his murder turkey stuff is always good

@EricAlper Our kids were not happy meeting a cassowary larger than they were by the side of the swimming pool in Mission Beach.

We rather suspect that the landlady of the holiday flats was in the habit of feeding it.

@EricAlper The thing is, after all, just a modern version of a velociraptor.

@TimWardCam @EricAlper

I’ve always said that the reason cassowaries are so angry is that they heard we consider dinosaurs extinct.

They take that personally.

@EricAlper they forgot to mention: they can run faster than you.

@EricAlper I think FDotM is on Masto officially - @firstdogonthemoon - which makes it easy to enjoy their stuff.

@EricAlper are they the ones who beat the Australian army in a war? Or was that the emus?

@IanMoore3000 @EricAlper we dread the prospect of a Cassowary War. They’re much more capable of gutting a human being, despite being a little bit smaller than an Emu.
Essentially the Jurassic Park velociraptor in every way except a beak instead of teeth. No way you’d outrun one.
Even the drop bears won’t prey on a Cassowary.

@IanMoore3000
Think of it this way.

The emus are tough enough to have won against the army.

Yet the Emus won't stray in to Cassowary controled territory.

@EricAlper

@EricAlper I love that there is no effort to say “it’s as frightened of you as you are of it.” Because no, the murder bird is not, and it will not hesitate to let you know.

Cassowaries are called many different things on that page:
- wild animal and it hates you
- enormous homicidal dino-turkey
- awful birds
- dangerous bird
- wonderful
- always angry
- fantastic
- dangerous
- endangered
- bad bird
- not your friend

🤣😍

@D_Perris @EricAlper

@EricAlper wish we had such boards with warnings against wolfs.

@EricAlper Remember, cassowaries aren't birds. They're fucking dinosaurs.

(Well, technically all birds are dinosaurs ... but cassowaries especially so.)

@EricAlper
"Hey, Big Bird, what's wrong?"
"Hi Susan. I'm just thinking about...my cousin."
"I didn't know you had a cousin. Are they okay?"
"I don't talk about her much. She lives in Australia. And yesterday she...killed another tourist."
"Oh my god!"
"It's terrible. But as they say down there..."
*Bouncy music in minor key plays.*
"If you encounter a cassowary,
Stay the fuck away 'casue they're really scary,
There won't be enough left of you to bury,
Even if it's far away you should be wary..."

@violet @EricAlper this is a public service announcement. unlike the emu, they can kick forwards as well as backwards, they will fucking brain you with their bone tomahawk, and they won't even care. all birds used to be dinosaurs.

some birds still are

@EricAlper got a burdbrained friend like this. it's a sweety really.

@EricAlper It is scary for the same exact reasons a velociraptor is scary. Only, the Cassowary still exists and the danger is very real.

@EricAlper My wife and I were taking pictures in Sydney's zoo. I got photo bombed by a cassowary. I didn't know they were much different than emus until much later.

@EricAlper Always nice to see the author/artist next to their work

@EricAlper
The science of communication at its brightest!

@EricAlper that's a First Dog on The Moon cartoon!

@EricAlper

I love First Dog on The Moon!

Anyone knows if they're on the fediverse?

@EricAlper @Cadbury_Moose Photo of a cartoon by @firstdogonthemoon on a sign outdoors, next to a giant blue and black Australian bird that looks like a cross between an ostrich and a dinosaur. Original cartoon and more cassowary:
firstdogonthemoon.com.au/carto
Sign 1:
IF YOU WANT TO TAKE A PHOTO
DO NOT CORNER THE CASSOWARY
REMEMBER! IT IS A WILD
ANIMAL AND IT HATES YOU
IT'S FEET ARE DAGGERS AND
IT IS ALWAYS ANGRY
IT WILL SLASH AT YOU, IT WILL CLIMB… (1/2)

firstdogonthemoon.com.auHow to defend yourself against Australia’s most dangerous bird? Be CASS-O-WARY! – First Dog On The Moon

IN YOUR VAN AND EAT YOUR FOOD
THIS IS ALL TRUE! YOU SHOULD
BE FRIGHTENED OF CASSOWARIES
Be CassoWARY

Sign 2:
THE CASSOWARY IS NOT YOUR FRIEND
IT WANTS YOUR
FOOD AND IT WILL ATTACK YOU IF IT THINKS THIS WILL HELP TO GET IT
PLEASE HIDE YOUR FOOD AND
STAY AS FAR AWAY AS POSSIBLE
LET US ENJOY THE MAGNIFICENT
CASSOWARY FROM A SAFE DISTANCE
OTHERWISE IT MIGHT
TRY TO KILL YOU
(Not even joking)
Be CassoWARY (2/2)

@skry

Absolutely. Along with Kangaroos they can disembowel given the opertunity 🫤

@simonzerafa Ouch. I didn’t know that about kangaroos.

@skry

Yep. The claws on their hind feet are lethal 🙂

@EricAlper
🥥 This particular cassowary appears to be a particularly handsome specimen. 🥥

@EricAlper "Remember, it is always angry and it hates you!" So wonderfully true!😆