YOUR 👏 RELATIONSHIP 👏 ISN'T 👏 REAL 👏 UNLESS 👏 I 👏 AM 👏 ALSO 👏 KIND 👏 OF 👏 PART 👏 OF 👏 IT 👏 SOMEHOW 👏

The big ben account should tweet once a day at 4:20pm with a single "BONG" otherwise, s'fucking useless, we all have clocks on our phones

The best thing about capitalism is that we have a whole genre of incredibly niche t shirts that say shit like “I am a FEBRUARY MAN who has a CRAZY AWESOME SON who murdered TWO SQUIRRELS and has SEVENTEEN TATTOOS and is going through ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY

I rarely listen to lyrics in songs

even if i memorize them and sing along i don't ever really analyze them or even comprehend them.

words are a vessel to deliver a melody to me

Is this common?

Might fuck around and get pregnant with the great American novel

Lemme tell you guys a little bit about bald. Bald is timeless, it’s forever. Haircuts change every month. They go in to style, they go out of style, they become ironic, they become fascist, you never know what your haircut will mean in 20 years. You got a haircut in a picture? Your grandkids might think you were a nazi, or a Trump chud, or whatever bad thing comes next. Bald? People been bald since there was people. Bald is default, it’s baseline, bald is Fortnite no skins. Bald is forever.

@Excuse_haver @BestGirlGrace @binchicken so its like the ruins of war, and gasmask soldier is poking the dove of peace with his sword in the ass, but also there is a rainbow and a mysterious note

I am beyond wtf here

@BestGirlGrace @Excuse_haver oh man totally. there is much more narrative satisfaction to be had from linking things that are even on their own remarkable. so many interesting stories in the same place, combined with the human brain's need to make patterns? it's just so fertile!

@Excuse_haver @binchicken I'm not saying I believe the conspiracy theories, but I absolutely understand why someone would think there's something up at the Denver airport.

trite: every day thousands of tiny dramas unfold around you that you will never get to know about

alright: every day you can try to get closer to the strangers and the messy lives that surround you

tight: every day you can play game boy advance

@Excuse_haver @lynnesbian and then we call DC “the other Washington” because we are NOT bitter

Washington is sometimes referred to as Washington State, to distinguish it from Washington, D.C., the capital of the United States, which is often shortened to Washington or just D.C.

pathetic.a fucking embarrassment. did they really run out of names after choosing fifty

@lynnesbian
For your information, "Washington state" refers to the method we use to preserve our nation's first ruler. As you are no doubt aware, the Vanguard Array that shields America requires the physical presence of its creator in order to function. The array doesn't care if its progenitor is alive or not; it still demands his presence. We preserve America's founder in state so that he may in turn preserve us.

@Excuse_haver @ben this will throw all the calculations off, i am afraid this is stochastic variation is going to have to be normalised for the sake of funding

*me tossing items at one of the Wet Bandits*
nice brick homie 😎

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