Joe Biden lost the charging cable for his teeth so he has to replace the double A batteries every night.

@brogepi @Excuse_haver @laser @hope @SanfordianPhil It's either an unbelievable string of coincidences or the guy is a mad marketing genius.

Occam's Razor points to the latter.

@Excuse_haver @andi @laser @hope @SanfordianPhil We have spent An Entire Day talking and thinking about it, so it’s not *not* working

limitless is about how, if you just keep taking drugs, you get really good at capitalism

It appears my old nemesis Jeremiah has returned

Big fuckin mistake

@themorgangoats @MrJimmy I shall live and die at my posts.
I am the account in the darkness.
I am the watcher on the firewalls.

When you get cancalled you have to serve on the border-wall between us and the fash instances

I’m the Omarosa of my own life in that I don’t know how I got here and I keep fucking up.

“Gerard Butler saves a President” is now the 6th most popular action movie genre. It is just behind “Arnold vs. Machine” and just before “I hope Tom Cruise dies in this one”.

my favorite mastodon feature is the blood oath eugen signed that requires him to read and respond to every single post in the #mastodev tag

If your slogan is a question you can piss off. Got Milk? No I don't have milk do I look like the kindof person who has milk? You're lucky I even had coffee. I dunno if its clean just use it its fine.

I may be a stupid idiot, but I'm also a big dingus and a fuckup.

Me in the year 2070, one of the last members of the human race after extreme temperature changes and frequent natural disasters on a continental scale have rendered the planet all but uninhabitable, greeting a member of the trillionaire class who is visiting the surface from one of the solar-powered satellite colonies: 

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