I'm looking after a friend's cat for the weekend, and doing laundry, so Sparky has decided I could use his help.

Have y'all noticed how much our culture associates wit with being mean? Cutting insults get held up as the pinnacle of wit in a way that insightful compliments never seem to.

Let's celebrate wit that is joyful, positive, and sincere. Tell me about an insightful compliment that has stuck with you.

it's probably for the best that I can't disintegrate people with my mind. cause I'd be one disintegrating mf boy I'll tell you what

EVERYBODY! When my baby bunny drinks milk she does this cute thing with her little paw. It's important that you know this.

In the report Wilw sent to me, he says he scoured a person's profile for 20 minutes because the user said "go awf," and reported the guy saying cheeky things about Democratic candidates and for replying to a joke to giant Princess Zelda pee fetish porn.

Not in response to him. Just... posts. Just funny posts.

The dude is a nightmare.

oh god, he reported the post where i said wesley was the worst character on TNG, amazing

Scribbled this on my iPad yesterday at the doctors office. Obviously didn’t go very far with it, but I’m still trying to get a feel for drawing on the iPad, I’d really like to be able to work on art on the go. This was done in Sketchbook Pro!
#mastoart #sketchbook #originalcharacter

I can't believe guns are legal in California but nunchucks aren't. something like 4 Americans a year get shot by their *dog*. I have yet to hear of a dog nunchucking a guy to death. that would have to be one badass dog

If I ever own a restaurant and I run it into the ground so badly that a TV restaurant rescue show bails me out, I'm going to blame my failure on Russia, Jill Stein and Bernie Sanders to the very end.

@Gargron This is Kira (named after the best commanding officer in Star Trek, bar none)

Hobbies include:
- Borks
- Fetch
- Chewing; stealing shoes
- PETS
- Trying to herd dogs 3x her size

Got her as a 6-week-old *nugget* in January; it's been a whirlwind ride

mastodon.social/media/Ha8py3GC mastodon.social/media/GMfvSmaf

Ok i gotta horse joke:

HORSE: *walks into a bar*

MASKED BARTENDER: Why the long face?

HORSE: Fuck you.

BARTENDER: *slowly removes mask, revealing the face of vice president mike pence* Don't mind if i do.

The Presidential primaries should be a series of debates where every week, America votes one asshole off the island.

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