Rae☄️ @Feronsfire@mastodon.social

I'm not sure if I really went any where with that. tl;dr, self-compassion, self-love goes a long way. It's really hard to learn, especially in the predominate culture we have, but it's so worth every step you make, trust me

A major difference is, a set back would send me spiraling when I was so focused on self-esteem. With self-compassion and realizing we're all kinda lost and just doing the best we can, I can stop myself and say "hey, it's okay love, things happen, you'll get it next time. Just breathe and relax". I still have a long way to go, and with bi-polar this isn't like a fix by any means, but it's the closest I've gotten to a method that works and it's helped keep my mood swings from destroying me

like seriously, self-compassion, treating yourself as you would a friend or a loved one when you're in pain or something has gone wrong makes a huge difference. It's kinda silly, but when things are really bad I'll talk to myself, "It's okay sweetheart, everyone makes mistakes", "just breathe and please get at least a little food and then you can relax and settle down and it'll be okay". Giving yourself the space to make mistakes n understand that's okay, nobody is perfect, things happen

I only pushed people away, I kept seeking any source of validation that would raise me even a little bit in some way. Eventually, I fell out of that, a cycle of depressive and manic episodes signaled something more and I wound up finally connecting the dots about me being trans. Thank god I found those resources when I did because if I didn't? I can safely say I wouldn't be here right now

from my own personal experiences, I've gotten much better through self-compassion. It's something I've been focusing on the last couple of months (I still have a loooong way to go) but holy hell does it make things easier. A couple years back I fell into that trap of upping my self-esteem and honestly? It made me a huge asshole. I was so focused on making myself feel better by being better than others in some for or fashion hoping to god it would fix what was wrong with me (it didn't)

I'm real sorry, but I don't remember who originally linked this article but this is a really good read on self-compassion vs self-esteem

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2016/05/why-self-compassion-works-better-than-self-esteem/481473/

Just a reminder I've moved my personal stuff to @Raelynn, dunno what I'll really use this account for once things stabilize in my life and I find a new place/job. Maybe if I can actually dig into Mastodon source code it'll be helpful. I just don't talk politics much since I feel out of my depth and I'm talking over people who know way better, I just do my best to listen honestly

Current work situation:

I was given an additional month on my PiP after I talked with a lawyer and came forward about sexual harassment I had been experiencing. While this is a huge relief I'm still in jeopardy of losing my job and I think it's about time I move forward anyway. I'd appreciate any out reach if anyone has any connections in tech for more trans friendly environment in the Portland / Seattle area! If you contact me here I can send you a resume ASAP!

Please boost

Current living situation:

I still need to find a place by the end of May, the sooner the better tbh. I may be able to work out keeping my current place if someone can the other room which is going for about 600. Though honestly finding a cheaper place is a much better option. I'm a 25 year old gay transwoman who works in tech looking for a roommate in Portland or Seattle (tho that would be a bigger move). If you know anyone also searching I'd appreciate reaching out!

Please boost

Phew, okay, finally got some more updated resumes sent out! Think I'll do a quick update on my current situation

well that was, disheartening. Had a really good game of Vainglory going as Alpha, was on my best kill streak yet of like 20 somethin, just released the kraken and then just, nope, connection lost ;_;

Quick question about resumes for those who've changed their name. My legal name change is tomorrow (🙆‍♀️!!!🙆‍♀️), should I list previous name on my resume since my past jobs won't have my new name on file? I'm nervous cause this obviously marks me as trans since the name is going from masculine to feminine, but if they actually call any of my past work places no one would know my new name

Thank you everyone whose boosted this, really appreciate the responses and those who have given me resources to go through for job hunting. If I haven't gotten back to you yet I probably missed it cause my notifications have been scrolling by so fast haha. Please let me know if I still haven't gotten back to you about any tech jobs in the Portland/Seattle area, I'm super open to remote positions as well! Again I super appreciate ya'll, homelessness is not fun, here's hoping something sticks