Question:
If so many men argue that the assholes are the minority, (NOT ALL MEN!!!) why do we never see giant groups of men flooding women's accounts with nice, respectful messages or support?
Why doesn't dogpiling get responded to by a flood of help? Where is the support for women being stalked and threatened? Where are y'all?
I have never in my life been overwhelmed by kindness. But men literally attempt (and often succeed) destroying my life on the daily.
Where are the "good guys"?
@GinnyMcQueen Flooding women's accounts for no reason? Lol
That's what I thought.
Oh, sweethearts. You think "support" means compliments.
Oh no.
Oh men why.
I can't explain this to you if you don't treat women like HUMANS.
Support is not a compliment.
SUPPORT IS MONEY.
SUPPORT IS DISRUPTING ABUSERS.
SUPPORT IS ACTIVISM
SUPPORT OTHER HUMANS WHO ARE IN DISTRESS, YOU DAFT SODS.
@GinnyMcQueen Support our eyes : stop using capitals please. Thanks.
Good guys don't help people, they have their own shit to do.
@GinnyMcQueen hahaha what the FUCK. It takes 2 seconds to tell a dude "hey, don't do that'
@pat @GinnyMcQueen
NO kidding. Guys, we need to do a lot better at policing ourselves online. Harassers and abusers should be shown the fucking door, not apologized for. Stop making excuses.
@GinnyMcQueen eat your shit, @mastodon.social
@GinnyMcQueen I find it interesting that it was aimed directly at you, instead of actually spending those words dealing with bigotry. :thinking:
Help I am drowning in good guys over here. https://mastodon.social/media/skXkBFUDNiKUhgP2Mc4
@GinnyMcQueen all this is appalling (your testimony, the threats, the reply…), and I sure feel sorry for you (for what it's worth).
Sadly, these days seem to be the return of the Dark Ages… I see lots of hate speech targeting women, LGBTQ, ethnicities, …
And a few years ago, it was "only" done by "people hidden behind their computer", now they do it IRL.
This is an everyday fight as a lot of education is needed.
I try and do my part (or so I hope)
Keep the faith!
I can't handle any more good guys please stop I'm so sorry you are the victim of women not devoting all of their time to you seriously what the hell are you even saying please don't @ me ever this goes for most all of you please stop I can't stop typing help you have broken me https://mastodon.social/media/OvmYbytf24vod1DOVeE
@GinnyMcQueen there needs to be a very specific eyeroll gif for this nonsense.
Men hate it when they do something publicly and then people in public see them do it and judge them for it. 😢
@GinnyMcQueen Hey, stay strong! Don't let a bunch of haters spoil your day! Lets all keep tooting here😆😆😆
@GinnyMcQueen fuck that shit, I'm a "good guy" and I'm here for you, and all other women, who aren't treated like the amazing, wonderful, fantastic people they are :heart: "good guys" who are too busy to help online are just #NotAllMen apologists who can't be bothered getting involved in changing the world but SURE DO have enough time to TELL YOU how busy they are :weary:
@GinnyMcQueen The first sin: treating people like objects, but objects like people.
@GinnyMcQueen lol, I could ask you the same thing, where are the "good girls" ? :wink:
Some people/country are more invested into women's rights than others, I guess that count too
@GinnyMcQueen from a friend on twitter:
"men: why don't you date us, we're not all bad
men: *are all bad*
men: i mean apart from that"
@GinnyMcQueen often oblivious to what is going on. I have my doubts about being a good guy(tm) but I generally don't say anything because I have no idea what is going on. Is it actually helpful to have some random guy saying 'You're awesome!' or something when there are problems?
@GinnyMcQueen Are you interested in men's thoughts on this?
Have some, don't want to intrude on your understandable venting...
@GinnyMcQueen I think men are less prone to show support in general, maybe because of genetics, maybe because we are supposed to be strong and show little emotion. And as much as I'd like to be different, I'm usually not really engaging in these situations when I encounter them, and if I am, I'd rather call out the harasser than support the victim. It just feels more comfortable.
@Vonk @GinnyMcQueen "maybe because of genetics" that's some gender essentialist bullshit. You've been *taught* that men shouldn't care or show support, and you contribute by perpetuating. There's nothing *genetic* about it.
@sanchonino
@sebkun
That's why I said maybe. I don't know, I'm not an expert on the matter. I do believe that men and women are different, (by genetics), which might explain why we act different. But the whole point I was trying to make that it's probably because society teaches us that that's how it works. I didn't mean to offend anyone,
@Vonk @GinnyMcQueen Isn't invoking genetics an easy way out? I think this is an active choice we make (act or not act). The real question isn't "is it genetic?" but "Am I aware of the situation and do I do something to change it?" ! ;) #justmyopinion
@GinnyMcQueen They're pretending harassment "don't real" because they've never experienced it for themselves, and a good number of 'em think that kind of sexual interest would be nice to have. Basically, they're clueless.
@GinnyMcQueen I've seen it happen, and I've been a part of it, but it's definitely a minority occurrence, and I've seen it mainly when a member of a specific community gets attacked and the rest of us rally around. (I'm a cyclist; certain women in our particular part of our specific community are highly regarded. But even then, it's not the broad cycling community, just very specific individuals.)
@GinnyMcQueen You're right! Good men SHOULD be more loud and supportive. I guess a lot consider that not support sexism as support already…
A lot of men do not perceive the real hassle you go through… so they just don't want to be associated to these "assholes".
I takes a lot of self-distance, and discussions and reading before realising that, as a man, even without doing actively something, you are part of an oppression… U_U
@GinnyMcQueen Sorry to hear that. It's sad to see harassment on this platform, and I hope the Mastodon devs look at better ways of allowing instance admins to moderate the space. Temporarily de-federating other instances which are known to harbour offensive users seems to be already in place on some Mastodon instances.
Yes! Here on mastodon.xyz I can't see half the terrible comments, that I see when opening this thread in a new tab for mastodon.social.
Block ALL the assholes!
@GinnyMcQueen Well. I'm here. Everytime I get to know something you mentioned I will support as much as possible.
On the other side I've learned that many women don't like to be supported by men because they see us ALL as the assholes some of us are.
My conclusion: I offer my help if I get to know a situation. It's all I can do.
@GinnyMcQueen As a guy that passes for white, I had *one* long conversation about racial representation and after a day of it, I was exhausted. I can't imagine how you come back day after day, seriously. I was impressed in the abstract and even more impressed after having to deal with something similar *just once*.
I don't know if any of that helps; that's all I've got for now.
@vjgoh You just answered your own question.
You are a white dude and it's not a matter of life or death for you so you don't care as much.
Try harder.
@GinnyMcQueen I do what I can, when I can. I *do* give money to feminist causes, I try to support and listen and advocate for those causes. I think that's baseline good behaviour.
But despite all that, I'll never have your lived experience, and even after putting myself out there, I'll never get the same backlash that you will.
I'm trying to answer the question of why you don't get dogpiled in kindness, but really, the answer is still "I don't know," or, "men are bad." :/
@GinnyMcQueen usually "good guys" are busy with their kids, family, helping a friend in need, volunteering, etc.
It's not so much they don't or aren't willing to come to someone's aid, rather there are so many people who could really use a hand that they simply can't get everyone, instead they tend to focus on those immediately around them as that's where they can personally see the difference they make.
Which makes it harder to tackle systemic problems like cultural bigotry.
@GinnyMcQueen Now I got the context to this message. As Mastodon is a free network without a company running it it is hard to do anything else about harrassments than blocking these people I'm afraid. :(
@GinnyMcQueen Personally, I'd often rather say nothing than risk saying something wrong. I've wanted to respond all morning saying WTF HOW ARE PEOPLE THIS AWFUL.
But how to say that? I don't want to say NotAllMen™.
Actually, after thinking about it for more than 3 seconds I realize I appreciate your speaking out about online harassment even if it brings more, and your toots yesterday not tolerating Nazis (WHICH SHOULD ALSO BE NOT CONTROVERSIAL).
Maybe I should say that?
@GinnyMcQueen And I'm trying to figure out how to see responses to your posts. Maybe it'd help to respond to those people to say "wtf dude that's not OK"?
Read this. Read the whole thing. And then read it again before you @ me. Ever.
“I WISH I COULD HELP!”
https://medium.com/@GinnyMcQueen/i-wish-i-could-help-da897fedc80
@GinnyMcQueen Hi! I have learnt, a long time ago, that when we can't help with money we can help with exposure.. :) Here have a :arrows_clockwise:
@GinnyMcQueen You're right, especially on "disrupting abuse."
I think some of us fall to some forms of the "bystander effect" when asynchronous online abuse happens. "I'll hold off a sec and see what's happening." "Oh, this was an hour ago, I guess it's over now?" "I'm not sure a White Knight would be welcome."
_Not_ making excuses. But just realizing (as one who teaches self defense to youths) that I plan better irl against forms of the bystander effect than I do online.
For myself, I'm pretty bad a lovebombing other than close friends, and tend to send unsolicited @'s mostly when there's something I disagree with from someone I think might be persuaded somehow, so obviously I'm not contributing very well to the general picture.
I think the general response to dogpiling on the birdsite and other similar places would be to report the involved accounts, which very seldom has any effect, as I'm sure you're aware. Actually putting yourself out there visibly exposes you to secondary harm, and honestly, there's simply not that many people who'd take that kind of figurative bullet for a stranger on the internet, and accept becoming a target with all the entails for themselves and their friends/family.
@pettter It's been a while since I've seen a good love bomb though!
@ginnymcqueen You are awesome and a good person and seem smart and funny, and keep doing what you're doing! :heart:
@GinnyMcQueen here is some random kindness from France. Screenshot of my favorite game included, I had no cat pic on hand.
@GinnyMcQueen I personally try to as often as I can, and it's usually met with a share of the vitriol. I don't mind it, honestly, I get plenty of flak from most opinions I voice on more mainstream social media (and isn't part of the point to pull some of the hate away from the original targets anyway?), but I guess some aren't prepared to deal with the barrages of accusations of virtue signaling and whiteknighting.
Not saying it's a good excuse, just a thought I had.
@elderbong Men are maybe the weakest beings on the planet if that's the case. They're afraid of being shamed for supporting women. Meanwhile, here's a highlight from my messages. https://mastodon.social/media/KiW1OBe71UGdl6klyaE
@GinnyMcQueen Oh yeah, some of the abuse these people dish out is heinous.
As for guys, there is certainly a distinct weakness in the face of hegemony and social norms. You have firsthand experience with how hard men can lash out when those things are challenged.
@GinnyMcQueen in real life, would you take a bullet for a stranger? Ask yourself this; I don't intend to antagonize you, I just think asking oneself "what would I do?" often gives a good perspective. I dunno how would I react to stressful situations; being a roommate with a couple in an abusive relationship, I can say for sure it was a huge stress every day - also for me. Some say web's easier because of the distance, but people online are still human.
@GinnyMcQueen :heart_eyes: :kissing_heart: :kiss_ww: :couple_ww: :heart: :two_hearts: :two_hearts: :sparkling_heart: :heartpulse: :blue_heart: :green_heart: :yellow_heart: :purple_heart: :gift_heart: :revolving_hearts: :heart_decoration: :heart_exclamation:
I'm not a guy :D
If you want a real answer, socialization to never ever do anything even approaching what MIGHT appear to be weakness still runs very deep in whatever masculinity is supposed to mean today. Even amongst men who are on paper allies, that can all go out the window as soon as they are with their friends. @GinnyMcQueen
@GinnyMcQueen We get ignored by women from an early age, by the time women have grown up they are surrounded by twats (Tbh men under 28=twats) .
@GinnyMcQueen your first mistake was trying to find anything but trolls on social media.
@ginnymcqueen I'm here for support. I'm not sure what I can do online, but I'll try anyways.