Guise @Guise@mastodon.social

Time Travelers’ Insurance T&C update: Spouses on the same TTI policy who divorce may use one of our many Time Destination Division agreements. We offer contracts that split Space/Time in centuries, dynasties, or even fashion seasons. “Just cause it’s over, doesn’t mean you can’t turn back time”

Time Travelers’ Insurance internal memo: TTI Corp’s 173rd Company Cookout will be in pre-colonial Maimi! So dress for marshes. Please park yesterday at the Walmart parking lot & we will shuttle you to the destination.

Time Travelers’ Insurance advertisement: we will be holding a raffle for our exclusive 7 Extinction Event Tour. From Ordovician–Silurian, through Triassic, to Human. (Including that one event we don’t like to talk about.) Sign up today!

Time Travelers’ Insurance holiday announcement: our TTI policy holders have recently brought to our attention that the first Thanksgiving was in-fact a Brunch. Also the pilgrims ordered really expensive items on the dinner menu, then asked to split the bill 50/50. So rude!

Time Travelers’ Insurance advertisement: “Are you traveling to a time before the 3 Sea Shells? Don’t get caught with your pants down! Try our new portable 2 Sea Shells. Experience 3 Shells clean in a primitive, toilet paper world!”

Time Travelers’ Insurance update: we are pleased to announce that our policy service agreements are available in 1100 BCE Sumerian & North Pacific Dolphin.

Time Travelers’ Insurance terms and conditions update:
Multiple Variant, Single Policy clause: In the event multiple time variants of the insured individual submit the same claim, payout is given to the oldest variant. Only variants from timelines where the individual enrolled in coverage are eligible.

Time Travelers’ Insurance update to terms and conditions: tachyons particles are considered a post-existing condition and will disqualify your insurance claims.

Time Travelers’ Insurance update to terms & conditions: Due to high traffic volume, the Bronze plan will no longer allow coverage for temporal anomalies in 1945 Germany or 1963 Texas.

#doctorwho I ate Jim, the fish.

Hello, world! This will serve as the first of many posts for a new policy I’m offering… Time Travelers’ Insurance.
Disclaimer: In the event that I am not assassinated by the time I make a 2nd post, please do not doubt the possibility of time travel. The future may just have really bad assassins.