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sick of dudes who look like me deciding that they get the final say on which parts of civilisation we should just throw in the garbage

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*extremely white dude voice* dismantle everything and let people just recreate society with what they have. No I'm not a libertarian why do you ask

this knowledge would be better spent on someone who wants kids

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Just realised how much it sucks that I know kids are a 24/7 job, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but also that I'm not up to that task.

The idea of "good" stationery is tyrannical. I'm reminded of a great saying I once heard: The good scissors remain in their sheath, but the bad scissors cut everything.

Lindsay boosted

if you bought a nice journal for 2019 (which you should have, because everyone should journal), and you’re nervous bc the quality of paper is nice or whatever, don’t wanna soil it w your bad poetry, please PLEASE scribble on some pages and tear one out and throw it against the wall so you can rid yourself of this concept of preciousness. then get to writing! write 3 pages about your crush on me! for your health!!!!

can you believe this has done nothing for my twitter presence

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Months ago, I was a nobody on twitter.

Now: I'm a person with a mastodon account.

Still a nobody though.

Lindsay boosted
Lindsay boosted

Some say capitalism is the greatest system ever invented. If you ask me? The buddy system

Nothing sadder than a weird dad man attempting to still be a cutting edge young dude. Especially on the socials, as the teens say

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I am 34 goddamn years old and although I have no children, I have entered the weird dad stage of my life. I've long accepted it but it's time I made it public

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my 2019 resolution is to use new slang less, and if I can't avoid it, to always add "as the teens say" to the end

In the new year, make a resolution of no longer supporting anyone whose class consciousness doesn't allow for intersectionality. A lot of fake-woke hucksters laid roots in 2018. It's time to salt their soil.

Lindsay boosted
Lindsay boosted

all i wanna do is

🥚
🥚
🥚
🥚

and then 🐣 🐥

and take your money

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...but you have to take the lyrics of Baby, It's Cold Outside into the context of the time they were written. You see, back then it was common for fictional ladies who were written by men to be fully into whatever rapey scenarios those men invented.

your dog name is your first name, followed by "the good [your gender here]"

Lindsay boosted

Capitalism is when you lift a dog by its hind legs and push it around like a wheelbarrow

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