Jude with the 'tude @JJEden@mastodon.social

I threw a dedicated writing account into the void, trying to go all-in here since this is such a supportive community!

@JJEden

I love how weird Mastodon gets at night, y'all stay you, you beautiful weirdos

See also: with possibly no health insurance/way to get meds depending on the news when the medi-cal people get back to me on if I'm even eligible (despite being disabled)

Haven't posted on here in months. Long story short my mental health is circling the drain, planning to come out to my dad soon, I'm not going to be able to continue at university because I'm out of funds and I'm about to be a starving artist with very very few recent examples of my work due to the massive struggle that was trying to keep up in classes.

Depending on the situation after I come out, I might also need to find a new place to live.

So this is what you would call "a clusterfuck"

Script reading I have to do for homework unlocked a deeply buried memory of getting yelled at for using a lot of ink and paper printing out movie scripts as a child.. Watching pirates of the carribbean and following along to the point of memorizing direction and lines.
Sometimes I wonder how much of me is buried, and how much of me is a survival mechanism.

Hello, to you too, nonspecific dissociation! :)

I'm still alive but occasionally I disappear for a while so I'm still here, sorry I haven't interacted with anyone in a while.

the worst kind of symptoms for me are not the symptoms where I cry for hours and want to die because I feel so alone, or the symptoms where I can't sit still and think everyone's a waste of my time,
the worst symptoms are the ones where I don't feel anything at all.
but they're also the best

days where I wake up and cry about how much I miss the guy who raped me when I was 17 really drive home how lonely I actually am

trans feels
scrolling from bottom to top in my photos on Facebook reads like a visual novel of me slowly giving less and less fucks while simultaneously looking happier and less like I just came out of a firefight in 'Nam

I FUCKING KNEW
THERE WOULD BE AN ALL FOR ONE
I'm so hyped now
🤘🏽

I got all the way to taking out my sculpey and tools and then realized:
I didn't have an idea yet

Running on no sleep and ready to be mad about everything so I guess the Hogwarts house thing {isn’t that important} in the grand scheme, but I’m still mad because
E M O T I O N S DONT NEED REASONS dammit
:<
The 11 year old in me is cri

I retook the pottermore sorting quiz for shits n gigs but I didn’t realize I was gambling with my fucking identity and now I’M EXTREMELY MAD.
YOU DONT KNOW ME, HAT!

Good news about my cat, hes peeing more and not yowling in the litterbox anymore. He’s still straining but the medications he’s on seem to be helping.
I was worried that it would get worse but its looking better so far! I kinda worry about him on the sedative because he’s doing a lot of just sitting in one spot and staring at nothing, but I’m gonna bring that up with the vet.