Other parents at playground: Whose child is this ?!
Me:

It’s been a full live month without me even opening up mastodon 🤦🏼‍♂️

I still feel like a complete and total dick for writing dude up at work smh

I despise having to pull rank but they can’t stand seeing a young man having everything under control

JonnyBoy boosted

you, an amateur: potato

me, a professional: PROtato

I’ve simplified life in every aspect of it and shits terrifying just thinking about how hard I used to work to try and have a mellow day

Waiting for my reimbursement check for my work boots to buy WW2 🙄

Son told me today that when he grows up he’s going to have a fat wallet like me. I asked him what makes him think I have a fat wallet and he said because mommy said you spoil me to much lol

Steak & Fries got me nodding off in the restaurant

Instructor just realized I have more skill hen he does on the equipment

JonnyBoy boosted

My son has an American ass accent when he tries to talk in Spanish 🤦🏼‍♂️

JonnyBoy boosted

Real wealth takes YEARS to accumulate don’t let these fake rappers fool you

Sleep deprivation and aggravation always ends up with me apologizing to someone

JonnyBoy boosted
JonnyBoy boosted

GENESIS, I hope we all had a good Halloweeeeeen it's time to WORK!!!! LETS GOOOOO!!!!!!

JonnyBoy boosted

welcome to november everybody, lets make this a good month

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