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It's weird when people tell me "you about to see god" whenever I'm about to do something stupid, because that confuses me like whaaaaa, I don't see any mirrors around?

Why do Marvel fans like Taylor Swift?
Because she loves to sing about her X-men

Lowkey done with Yankee candles. Quality control is dropping, can't even smell the fuckers anymore

My southern preacher voice sounds more like a gay voice and I think that's beautiful

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hi!!! still such a mastodon n00b but here is my sweet chi, olivia!

I regret rubbing hand sanitizer on my nipples

What if you and me...booped a trash panda's trouble puffs and then kissed in front of a garbage truck πŸ₯ΊπŸ‘‰πŸ‘ˆ

Therapy sucks, I just wanna twerk to "Maybelline" by Chuck Berry 😭

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retoot to pet the cat
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There's people fresh out of jail hopping on MySpace like "Where everybody at?"

As a non-binary pansexual, I get 2 kinds of hate from inside the LGBTQIA+ community, and it sometimes makes me crack 😭

YouTube miniplayer is seriously trying to tell me that Beinhart videos are for kids πŸ˜‚

Today is a safety inspection kind of day.
Today also happens to be a day drinking kind of day.
These two events are unrelated.

Someone just called me "low class" because I called Mother Theresa a shitty bitch πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

If your spouse dies in childbirth, can you press charges against the baby?

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