Pinned toot

donation links 

The government is trying to kill me so please send that anti-kill energy my way fam!

paypal.me/KaiFromDaChi
cash.me/$Kaiveran

mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

I slowly built up a rapport with this person and let her chip away at my armor for literal YEARS. She was on my gender journey and political awakening right along side me. She was one of only a couple of people in the world I could trust. And now she's gone.

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

can y'all tell i've lost access to a therapist that I really really trusted and that I'm making the prospect of never seeing her again another one of my failures

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

lol, i'm trying to make this about the system, but the truth is I could have gotten myself in a better place countless times and just straight-up failed everytime.

even people I call friends or lovers, the only things of value I have, I can never keep up on them. maybe I don't really love anyone and am just stringing them along for my own benefit. maybe it's all fake and I'm just terrible. maybe the pain would eventually give way to them realizing the truth.

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

sustain myself by UNapproved means? get caught and it's even worse. as a felon I'm part of a permanent underclass. The 0.1% chance I have of getting ahead becomes 0.0%. That is, if I don't get outright killed by organized crime and/or fellow prisoners anyway just for being queer.

what I do know is I can't do what this system wants me to do – slave away poor, tired, unwell, and repressed forever. so what the fuck do I do?

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

sometimes I feel like suicide is the only way i'll ever die with dignity.

take the "approved" ways of getting ahead? I'm not an upper-class PACH-man, so I'll stagnate forever with qualifications I can't use, low wage jobs, sky-high rent, and eventually a machine will replace me.

I'll just say this: nonbinary folks are not your thought experiment.

Hi yes, we exist, we're right here. If you're not nonbinary we don't need you ruminating on how our identities could possibly work and implying that they don't.

I don't give a fuck if you can't understand things about how our nonbinary genders or lack thereof work, keep it to yourself

violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

So this is why I have vanishing tolerance for anyone who parrots "idpol distraction!" talking points, or papers over state-sanctioned bigotries within ostensibly "leftist" regimes as some trivial aberration.

Trust me, I would LOVE not to worry about food, shelter, or healthcare. But if self-determination/actualization is denied to ANYONE within any "socialist" order, it has planted the seeds of its own destruction.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

The state would find a way to deny them full citizenship/personhood with the QUICKNESS. And where state oppression is found wanting, the people will gladly step in.

Then after that might come the trans people, or Muslims. Casual general bigotry is always fertile ground for the -truly- dedicated reactionaries against us. It gives them the weapons they need to corrupt and slowly destroy it from the inside out. It would all fall apart.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

I don't think this can be denied anymore; we've all seen how people will simply ignore anything that challenges their bigoted views. Like the Matrix, these people are so dependent on the system that they'll fight to preserve it.

Imagine that Europe becomes the ESSR overnight. Do you really think they'd give up their incredible hate for Travelling Peoples? When camp arsons, stolen children, and even lynchings persist? Get fucking real.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

It seems like all we gotta do is get labeled "agents of capitalist/imperialist decadence" by a big enough leader, and boom, there goes our rights. There goes "socialism" for us.

And therein lies the rub: if kyriarchal views are an essential pillar of capitalism, then it stands to reason that attempting to establish socialism without cultural deprogramming is unsustainable; we simply leave too many avenues for our hard-won freedom to be destroyed.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

Even if you accept countries' claims to be socialist/communist at face value, all you have to do is look at the post-Lenin USSR (historically) or China (now) to prove my point; both of these countries have a consist record of pervasive anti-queerness (with China also being violently colonialist as well.)

Shit, even Cuba, perhaps the least controversial country still in the Red Club, has only recently warmed up to idea that people like me deserve rights.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

The same thing goes for colonialism, misogyny, anti-queerness, et cetera.

I hear a lot about how these ideologies are essential support for the capitalist system, and thus when capitalism is dismantled, they will just naturally fade away. This thread is me officially calling bullshit on that.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

The truth is, no matter how well off someone is, if someone else still has violent bigotry in their heart that is allowed to go unchecked, they are still in danger.

For example, a Black man could living in brutal poverty, struggling against a racist state apparatus to make ends meet – or he could be perfectly provided for and treated fairly. But if another Dylann Roof or James Jackson comes along, he will be just as fucking dead.

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violence/murder/bigotry mentions 

With every day that passes, I'm more and more convinced that the struggle for the liberation and survival of humanity is twofold: the -material- struggle against capitalism, and the -immaterial- struggle against kyriarchy.

I'm also more and more convinced that WAAAYY too many of my fellow leftists are not prepared to have this conversation. Like, AT ALL.

gab blocker, self-promo 

new gab instance popped up, time to shill for my project!

github.com/theZacAttacks/silen

this script automagically pulls new gab instances as they pop up on fediverse.network (similar to how @gabwatch does) and instance blocks them for you!

if you're an admin and have access to the server your mastodon instance is running on, you can run it there to automatically block all gab sites for your entire instance!

if you're a user and dont mind getting your hands dirty with using ruby and installing some dependencies, it'll block all known gab instances for you at the user level!

i tried to make the readme very approachable and easy to understand, but if you have any questions feel free to @ me here.

thanks for reading, and stay safe friends ❤️❤️

How many times will I learn this lesson. Masto is better.

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