mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

sometimes I feel like suicide is the only way i'll ever die with dignity.

take the "approved" ways of getting ahead? I'm not an upper-class PACH-man, so I'll stagnate forever with qualifications I can't use, low wage jobs, sky-high rent, and eventually a machine will replace me.

mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

sustain myself by UNapproved means? get caught and it's even worse. as a felon I'm part of a permanent underclass. The 0.1% chance I have of getting ahead becomes 0.0%. That is, if I don't get outright killed by organized crime and/or fellow prisoners anyway just for being queer.

what I do know is I can't do what this system wants me to do – slave away poor, tired, unwell, and repressed forever. so what the fuck do I do?

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

lol, i'm trying to make this about the system, but the truth is I could have gotten myself in a better place countless times and just straight-up failed everytime.

even people I call friends or lovers, the only things of value I have, I can never keep up on them. maybe I don't really love anyone and am just stringing them along for my own benefit. maybe it's all fake and I'm just terrible. maybe the pain would eventually give way to them realizing the truth.

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

can y'all tell i've lost access to a therapist that I really really trusted and that I'm making the prospect of never seeing her again another one of my failures

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mh (--), suicidal thoughts 

I slowly built up a rapport with this person and let her chip away at my armor for literal YEARS. She was on my gender journey and political awakening right along side me. She was one of only a couple of people in the world I could trust. And now she's gone.

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