Every time I try to stretch on the floor, my car runs over because he thinks I'm coming down to pet him.

Me, scrolling through Instagram: oh hey, these clothing ads have pretty strong aesthetic. I don't think *I* would buy any of it, but.. Maybe I'll draw my characters wearing it. 😁

Me, 2 ads later: [SCREAMING]

@KayPengwin I say all this, but I was probably like this as a young teenager. The whole meme sharing thing wasn't as big back then, but I remember the struggle of deciding whether or not to include the swear words when quoting someone else for a joke. I was worried it would sound too harsh.

It took me a while to realize curse words really only sounded abrasive when says in anger. Otherwise it's just kinda spicy. 🌢️

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I can't get over the people who re-upload memes to Instagram,, *but go through the effort to censor out the swear words*.

Like, you really trying to shield the ENTIRE INTERNET from the BAD WORDS??

Fool! You can blot out all the F words, but I'll just make more! 😈

Am I allowed to have hot takes on rhododendrons? Cuz I've been walking around my neighborhood this quarantine and I have some feedback.


Witnesses claim she spent 3 hours picking up groceries, making dinner, and cleaning the kitchen despite her alleged plans to have a "movie night."

@KayPengwin In the first one, the tux returned to the scene of the crime... Laying down on my bed to demonstrate the trajectory of his earlier barf.

In that last one, the tabby wasn't supposed to be outside... But there he was... sitting in our driveway, looking absolutely confused.

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I've been thinking... What's the best way to describe my cats' personalities? And I think I've got it.

Handsome dumbass (tuxedo) and disaster cinnamon roll (tabby).

Still working through 1st season of Sailor Moon. I appreciate how I can identify with each of the first 3 guardians:

Rei: v fire, string willed, will fite u
Ami: v school, blue hair
Usagi: crying

Imo.. I'm pretty sure most body language boils down to "You seem cool" and "I'm uncomfortable."

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Pet peeve: when someone explains human body language but they read way too far into it.

"If your date mirrors your posture, they wanna bang!"

"If she crosses her legs, she wants you to look at them!"

"If they're crossing their arms, they don't trust you!"

"If their pupils--"

Who tf is leaning in to measure people's pupil dilation???

Do you ever look at your story outline and realize it's like an Ikea coffee table that you assembled with half the parts backwards and now you have to take the whole thing apart and put it back together again? πŸ™ƒ

I'm just gonna stand here and sigh at it for a bit.

Huh. Work day is almost over and I'm kinda surprised I made it this far..? πŸ€”

I was super sick last night and lost a good deal of sleep so I don't understand how I'm still functioning right now.

It's like my body said "We interrupt SLEEP for this very important message: AAAAAAAAAAA." then morning came, and it went "We now resume our regularly scheduled programming."

Me: I think I'll paint my nails.
Also me: now I feel like gardening.

*nails ruined*


Kimmy boosted

My laptop: Try dismissing the lock screen with your face using Windows Hello! :D

Me: how 'bout I dismiss these notifications with my resting bitch face instead?

A prefect reasonably "how to draw men and women" tutorial: I like to think of women being made of circles and men being made of squares. 😊 This is just a guideline of cour-

Me, climbing out of the hole I live in: triANGLES! THEY'RE ALL MADE OF TRIANGLES AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!

Me and my cat just looked each other in the eye and yawned at the exact same moment.

What a bro.

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