@MLB except for the beating his girlfriend thing

it turns out that getting your face cut open in like 4 places kinda sucks ass for a while

NIXON: now what the hell is this? People are talking about tooting? And boosting?

HALDEMAN: it's a new form of drug, sir. you toot then your friends boost you

NIXON: so is it uppers? downers?

HALDEMAN: hard to say, sir

will posting on mastadon get me breast implants? no?? guess i gotta keep grindin πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ˜œπŸ‘ΈπŸŽβ˜οΈβ˜οΈπŸŽ³πŸ’„

the new sincerity was always just to encourage social climbing

the mastodon exodus, an oral history

day 1: some good accounts got banned, lets see em on the new site

day 2: this is so sweet and innocent, everyone will be nice forever

day 3: the first Horny Backlash

...

day 6+: mostly gossiping about twitter

broke: following me for trenchant political insight

woke: following me for the jokes

bespoke: following me because you want me to sit on your face

having respect for the british is like having respect for the color orange. just on a fundamental level it's not a coherent concept

@sarahlery so what ridiculous late night carbohydrates have your peoples monstrously brought into this world

it's amazing how much spanish vocabulary comes back when i'm hungry

@ItsJenNotGabby @Rich1047 @jizzwitch jen youre very funny

this tweet wasnt about anyone i was doing a bit that presupposed im a huge jerk

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