Lho @LhoBrockhoff@mastodon.social

And anyway I thought about it a lot and it doesn't strike me as a bad thing. I've had a lot of toxic friendships and people in my life. Now I wait and see how people are before properly giving them a chance. It doesn't entirely weed out the occasional mistake but generally I end up with a handful of very good people around me

And lately I've realised that a lot of it has to do with how much I hold back for a long time. I can spend months trying to get a proper read on people, determining who is safe to open up to and who isn't. This is a whole process and I hold back a lot of genuine personality traits a *lot* until I've decided that someone is Safe To Be Real Around

Every time I start a new job or education or thing I think a lot about how I'm sort of a... slow burn friend? People tend to come around to me eventually but it definitely takes me a few months for new folks to get used to me

It's not a bad thing, I'm not sad to not immediately get close with new colleagues, I just wondered about it for a long time

I was informed by my line manager yesterday that I am doing a good job at my internship and yeah I don't *need* the validation but obviously it doesn't hurt, I'm very pleased I'm getting better at this craft

Freelance client: We've got this issue we need you to layout, and we need it ASAP
Me: Ok fine
Freelance client: Also we're all going on holiday now
Me: Wait

Trans people don't owe anyone before/after transitioning pictures but I love when they so choose to share. Their energy is just always so powerful

And I'm just like "hey hey an office job where I get to draw is lovely if I'm not being sexually harassed or forced to work unpaid overtime I'm honestly great"

Interning for Cartoon Network is wild because unlike a lot of people I enter the animation industry with incredibly low expectations but people keep assuming I'm currently having my dreams crushed by realising that CN is just an office job where I draw

My mum just sent me an e-mail with the subject line "talking seal" and described it as "talking seal of the day" what a gem

Moving back to the UK is a great reminder of how clunky all of the systems are over there, woof

Sometimes you just have to snack on some pointed white cabbage.... it's just...it's nice

I got an internship! And its with a Big Deal studio and I start the 19th holy heck

I know that 'positive thinking' isn't as easy as it sounds but god damnit I don't want to mope around over this anymore, I want to pick a battle and fight it to the best of my abilities

My personal worth has to do with the good things I put out into the world and not with how hard I worked or how good a break I get early on in my career.

Whatever I end up doing and wherever I end up, I'll just have to keep trying to be beneficial to my surroundings. Animation is just a job. What matters is what I do with the rest of my time.

And I'm not saying this as in I'm not worthy of something good, I absolutely am. In fact I need to separate myself from this idea of entitlement to a good internship because my brain is equating good placement =/= personal worth right now?? Which is absolutely not true.

I desperately need to divorce myself from the idea that I "deserve" a good internship. The sentence has snuck its way into my life and it's Not Good. I'll probably end up taking a mediocre placement that at least offers some security and this is fine.

I haven't 'earned' anything just by working hard these past years, everyone does. I will earn things by continuing to be motivated

did I say 10 days I meant 7 days, I could use a solid week to move to another country, please

I'll be asking for final yes/no confirmation from Big Deal studio on monday at the very latest because they would WANT ME TO START ON THE 17th OF JUNE and I'm sorry I am only human, I need at least 10 days to relocate to ANOTHER COUNTRY

Ok I know my mastodon right now is all word vomiting over internship stuff but the company I'm talking to right now is a big deal but ALSO if I get it

I start on the 17th of June

holy hell

they thought it was fun