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"Do you need comfort or solutions"? Important question to ask when someone is having a bad time. = Note to self who is always in solution mode.

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@Linuxtjej that is excellent advice. I find that 95% of people are usually in solution mode

@Linuxtjej Always lead with "That must make you feel terrible".
I haven't figured out why, but most people who tell you their problems don't want their problems solved.

An exception is programmers with a code problem. Using that phrase then -- great fun, but it will quickly become apparent they want a real solution.

There's no real downside to always starting by acknowledging someone's feelings.

@Linuxtjej Oh my gosh!! I can so relate! Always in solution mode myself, can cause a lot of trouble when who your 'helping' really wants comfort and not solutions! (thus the quotes around helping, I have to do better about asking that all important question so I can actually give the help that is desired!)

@Linuxtjej Now, how to I get my gf to understand that. :) She's always in a solution mode, too, and we've fought not once over this. It feels invalidating, tbh. :(

Solutions are important, but in most cases are not required immediately. First calm down, then think of a solution. At least, that's how I see it.

@Linuxtjej
tbh: I need coffee first.
Then: what qualifies a solution to be one?
Is that possible in the given set of frames?
Often rules deny solution.

@Linuxtjej@mastodon.social hey you're understanding that some people don't seek for solutions, that's a huge thing, even if you say that you tend towards solution mode! ​:meowpat:​

@Linuxtjej
Thank you, that's always a good remainder for me.

(Since I found that, my partner find me less annoying and more caring. But sometimes I forget it...)

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