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Things I learned from therapy, part one: (chime in if you want to!):

1. The first 20 thoughts while you’re in crisis mode are a lie. Never believe them.

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2. Trauma doesn't always mean that something has happened to you that shouldn't have happened. Sometimes it means something didn't happen that should have happened.

3. You are not responsible for how people respond/react to your boundaries. In fact, observing how others respond to boundaries are a good indicator of what kind of people/friends they are.

4. The goal of working on my inner child isn’t to grow her up, but to let her know she isn’t alone anymore.

5. Our emotions all have the right to sit on our bus that we drive. We just cannot allow any of them to drive the bus for them. When sadness comes up and throws a fit we must pick it up. Acknowledge it and put it down. Tell it to sit at the back of the bus again.
I was always told I can’t have these feelings, but it’s so okay to have them. Acknowledge them. Let them go.

6. All the things that you tell yourself and hurt yourself with (the bad things, also including self harm)... imagine saying that or doing that to your 5 year old self. Talk to yourself now like you would talk to your 5 year old version.

7. If you can’t sleep , remember that Myth Busters proved that just laying there with your eyes closed still gives you rest.

8. It's okay to do things for joy even if they aren't productive.
In fact needing to feel productive 24/7 is toxic.

9. Just because you came here for an argument does not mean I am required to give you one.

10. Hold your own emotions, do not manage those of others in your family. It's not your circus, not your monkeys!

12. Check it, challenge it, change it. When I've convinced myself that the negative view I have is absolute, I check the evidence, challenge myself logically in the thought process, and change the pattern of chaotic thinking.

13. Saying "that's a negative thought" to yourself when you have one is pure magic. No need to go any further, just identifying any negative thought as such takes the legs out from under it.

14. Your family is especially good at pushing your buttons…
because they installed them.

15. Always ask a person what they mean, don't assume. It strengthens relationships and stops you from building barriers in relationships.

16. A persons reaction to you is not a reflection of you. Read it again….

17. Identifying what you are feeling informs what you are needing. If you don't know what you are feeling then figuring out what you want and need becomes impossible.

And finally:

20. No one can tell you what you’re grieving process is supposed to look like.

and a bonus:

Don't read other people's subtext. If it isn't said, it doesn't exist.

I needed to say this to myself over and over again yesterday when a colleague of mine berated me. ”I thought we were going to be more healthy” (when I baked cookies for the kids), or ”why did you change this” (when I moved some stuff that didn’t fill any purpose, they were just in the way).

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@Linuxtjej
Thanks for sharing these beautifully worded mnemonics!

It must have been hard work to come up with these insights.

But it's probably even harder to always have them at hand in everyday life and not slip into habitual patterns.

I wish you the necessary stamina and success.

@Linuxtjej to add to that: if you DO choose to give an explanation, you get to decide what to include and when to say "I've explained it enough". There's no obligation to explain more than what you want to.

@Linuxtjej y'know, on some level I always knew this, but it's nice to have it confirmed.

self harm (past tense), plurality & mental health 

@Linuxtjej we struggled with self harm for YEARS in one form or another, but the key for us was "I want to hurt myself, but we share this body. do I want to hurt (random kid)?".

none of us want to do that, and we've done a pretty good job of redirecting those urges as a result. we still do harmful things, but they aren't as bad. harm reduction is better than nothing- aiming for "least possible harm" has been more attainable than "no harm"

...its still not easy, and its on our mind more days than not, but this is a very helpful way to look at it, plural or not

@Linuxtjej β€žI cried but did the thing anywaysβ€œ β€” kinda like that?

@Linuxtjej eating, showering or sleeping can usually solve a lot of anxiety or panic attacks.

@Linuxtjej There are two therapists: The client, and the professional, their assistent.

@Linuxtjej Love is a behaviour in the first place, feelings are companions. Love is respect and trust. It's a risk. To love someone is hard. To accept s.o. else's love even harder. The hardest thing of all is self-love, self-respect, self-trust. While it's the hardest to achieve, it's the key to everything.

@Linuxtjej
It is OK to walk a way from people who hurt you. Even if they say that they need you, your sanity is as important as theirs.

@Linuxtjej thank you sooooooo much for this thread :*

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