Pinned toot

The engine Thomas and the engine Percy are lovers and they like to kiss. This is canon

ME: [reading a story about massive industrial lead pollution]


Biting into a turnip like an apple and spitting it directly into the produce manager's face. He wants to kick me out but I am clearly too powerful

If you wish to have a better experience on this website, simply do what I do and maintain utter ignorance of whatever personal drama happens to be floating around

CRIME #3: stand in the street with a rock. Scream at rock. Call the rock a Bad and Evil Rock. BAD ROCK

CRIME #2: bring a turtle to a restauraunt. Assist the reptile in venting his suppressed, scaly rage upon all the tables, plates, etc found therein

CRIME #1: pour soup (chunky) onto a Police officer. Ensure soup is at room temperature to avoid startlement

I push a sausage through the hole of a donut. "THIS IS A SANDWICH" I yell at the crowd behind the barricades who are screaming for my blood.

[slaps top of liberty bell]
this bad boy can fit so-
[liberty bell cracks]

ME IN DRESS SHOES: Ah, hello! I am Business Man. Observe my confident Business Stride as I set out to complete my Business Work

ME IN ANY OTHER SHOES: children please be quiet daddy is hung over

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