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How does one deal with bullies who create toxic environments?

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Peeps pls, I'm not talking about birdsite. I'm talking IRL. Like, verbal bullying at scary levels which scares people into having panic attacks types.

(I should have been clearer. My bad. :P)

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@Memeghnad Back in school, we (victims) would gang up and beat him up. Usually put an end to the problem quickly.

But I think the problem on :birdsite: is that there are hordes of bullies and a limited number of victims. Not only are they aggressive to begin, they also have the advantage of numbers.

@Memeghnad Rumi says, "The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore".

@Memeghnad Walk away or learn assertiveness. Assertiveness Training is a thing.

@Memeghnad been through this myself. I know what it's like. I couldn't do anything. Did plan to get him beaten up with friends but the plan fell through for the better.

My two cents: Go silent. It makes the other person reflect on what they said, sometimes forcing them to realize just how ugly they are.

@Memeghnad I suppose this is when you can't complain to the bully's mother / boss.

Fighting back as early as possible into the bullying will send a signal to the bully that you would be a difficult target.

@cyberjunkie Tried that. But that doesn't work a lot of time too because the bully gets angrier if you show no interest and seem boring.

@Memeghnad Their bark is worse than their bite. Not to be taken seriously. But turn around and give it back to them.

@Memeghnad 95% things people say r a reflection of them & not u. But how can u empower yourself over someone who likely is not as well read & nice as you. When u feel intimidated by this person, what is being triggered in u? If this is a common theme in ur life, there likely is a common trigger in u that they leverage. Find that trigger & shut it down. Therapy helps identify these & rewiring ur response. Point being, u can’t control the bully but u can empower urself. All battles are within.

@Memeghnad I think that most bullies have some emotional problem, maybe even a difficult childhood. But they r unable to share those or even own them because of this macho culture we have.

While not easy, the best way it think is to talk to them and understand their emotions, Instead of right away judging them.

@Memeghnad Where? At work? At home? Surroundings. But in general, standing up to them, as well as ensuring there are a few others who are cognizant of what is going on. Also, ideally recording all such interactions, so that 2mrow if and when you do approach LEO you have evidence..

@wabbster LEO = Law Enforcement Officer/Organization, aka Police, cops... @Memeghnad

@Memeghnad You cannot deal with those things alone. It depends on the support you have.

@Memeghnad um, I go behind their back and create an army of allies because a bully's toxic environment (esp. workplace) would surely affect other people too. And then you now have 8-10 people who will jointly confront this bully when they try to do what they do. This has worked, but in a workplace. Not sure about a home/family environment.

@Neeneen That makes a lot of sense actually. Creating a support system is important.

@Memeghnad Ignoring has never worked on a bully who is out to scare you. Most of the times they do it for entertainment and don't think they are hurting you. Conversations help.

Had a guy who said is going to hurt himself or kill himself if the bullying didn't stop. He said this in public as the bully didn't listen the first time. This was a person who was out to hurt him.

Understanding what a bully cares about is important and their method of bullying is important.

Bullying 

@Memeghnad Have seen a case where the bullies don't target you directly, but your friends. They isolate you completely. Imagine in a college where literally no one come near you or talks to you. That's the worst I have seen. Have no idea how to deal with such cases.

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