the UK is fucked, and if 2020 goes the way im imagining it will, iunno what can be said for salvaging "the west"

fuck all of it

honest to god i think we're going to see some violent revolutions in our lifetimes. Democracy is effectively dead under late capitalism, we can only take this fucking tide of emergent 21st century fascism so long before we start dragging nazis and billionaires out of their homes and killing them

i hope some of them just forgot about me completely.

boy everyone ive ever dated turned out more stable and pretty and healthy and successful than me, probably cuz i was the horrible one who ruined everything, in every case!

I got what i deserved

trying to list the things ive done right... cuz the other list is always so much longer

oh yknow, the OTHER thing i did was i got better at drinking less often

for a while i was being careless.

so i really wanna focus on not being as horrible to myself in every other department lmao

the one thing i did ok all year was advance my online presence (despite TWO deletions of my twitter account) and make my patreon a success💦 but

i stopped taking care of myself the past few months and it shows

things are gonna get better, im gonna do my best

its not super important i just have paranioa 🙃

just sorta feeds my worry that i dont mean much to certain people anymore

it bums me out just a lil when people i barely talk to remember my bday but some that i consider close friends just..dont

mmmbuddy i am trying to be more positive and lively these days but i need a month off i really do

one of these days i’ll figure out how to just stop

but also the first time around we were stupid kids and the fact we've maintained this inseparable bond after all these years means something incredibly important and affirming for me v 3v CHRIST im gay

it was actually reassuring to see someone who knew us both pretty well from the old days, react so..positively? Cuz im actually terrified some friends might judge us for picking up where we left off on a well-tread path like this

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