You ever look at a situation and realize it is so FUBAR, so broken, and so built on lies, gaslighting, and abuse that there is no fixing it in ten lifetimes that you completely empathize with the "walk away from the Omelas" story and want to do the same thing?

Yeah. That's where I'm at today.

*sigh* Won't make it to any furry cons this year, I'm a pariah in the furry writing community. Why do I even bother calling myself a furry anymore?

Searska boosted
Searska boosted

"You're a woman!" he said.
"Yes?"
"You can't use a sword!"
"But I do."
"Swords are manly."
"How?"
He blushed. "They're long and hard... and, uh, thrust..."
"How is that manly?"
He died of embarrassment. She could have cut him down - she had a sword after all - but why bother?

I am officially Old. There is a piece of slang out there that I absolutely do not get. WTF is yeet? Is it a verb? An adverb? A noun? An exclamation?

Ugh. I wasn't prepared for this to creep up on me. DX

Depressed rambing 

*sigh* Part of me wants to tentatively make my way back into furry writing, but the larger part of me is like, what would be the point? I miss the friendships and banter, but I don't miss the drama and the toxic environment. Ugh. I think I'm just lonely and that galls me more than anything. I'm a creature of solitude. I don't DO lonely. >_<

KH3 spoilers 

GAHHHHHH I can't win this damned ship race with Luxord. The controls for the ship are just so fucking clunky. >_<

Self care, depression 

I'm so tired of watching someone I care about fuck themself over again and again, and even though they've got a good heart, they just don't seem to have the strength to tell an abusive person in their life to fuck off. It sends me into a spiral of depression every time I hear it. It's legit a trigger, because it reminds me of my own fucked up family. I don't want to cut them out of my life, but gah, I can't do this anymore.

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness.

It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift." ~Mary Oliver

I think I finally understand this little poem. I mean, I don't feel better about it, but I think...I think I finally get it.

The perils of being a non-male person on the internet 

I fucking HATE being a chick-type person on the internet sometimes. I will NEVER understand the urge men have to barge in on a thread and mansplain the stupidest fucking shit. -_-

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Someone is insisting that kobolds are just Dragon McNuggets.

I am troubled by the fact I lack a rebuttal to this.

Rage, abuse mention 

*sigh* I'll always be a furry, but I'm done with furry conventions. First, it's not like anyone will really miss me there and second, knowing that gaslighting, abusive fuckwad is still getting lauded and fooling all the Right People with his bullshit makes my blood boil too much to enjoy myself anymore.

It's been waaaaaay too long since I wrote something furry. >_<

Reeeeeally didn't need that panic attack just now. >_<

Searska boosted

the author of animorphs has a trans daughter and is good mom

Searska boosted

werewolf tf 

The full moon and the creatures of the woods are silent witnesses to the unholy metamorphosis that wracks my body. Muscle and bone twist beneath my pale skin as sweat-damp grey fur sprouts and spreads. Yellow claws slash through soil. I writhe as my limbs, ears, and face lengthen, warping into forms both animal and yet uncannily, cruelly human. My blood's tempo slows. Muscles, trembling, vital, return to my control. I rise, shake my shaggy head, part my eager jaws, and utter:

"hewwo"

*sigh* Every time I think I find a safe place, I'm reminded yet again that men are trash, non-men are treated like shit with impunity, and I really am better off not even bothering to be social in any capacity. I want to be a hermit.

*sigh* I have a story that would work for a certain market. But it's a furry market associated with a certain publisher, so I'm gonna let the deadline pass by. I can't help but wonder how many other people have been in my position, driven away from trying to publish in furry because of its toxic publishing climate/writing community.

Alright, back to work on the writing front. The goal for the year is to get this novel out for queries on either submission or to agents.

Well, you can now find me @Searska

I'm still going to be here for a while. I want to see how this new instance works out before switching over completely. ^_^

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