Pleased to announce that my ugly son has not eaten any mince meat yet today

Who's good to follow on here (other than me)🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

It is time for a photograph of mungo the dog, enjoying the woods

How come I don't have many followers here? I mastodon (must have done) something wrong, because my toots are exquisite

I refuse to put any effort in to understanding what the different servers thing means or how it works on here, I don't have time, I'm extremely busy and important

This is a crossover joke about twitter's inability to understand satire and it's actually very clever, please put the effort in

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I reckon of they killed all straight white men the world would instantly be cured

BROKE: slide into your DMs

WOKE: sᴄᴏᴏᴛ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏ' ᴛᴏᴏᴛs

I refuse to believe there's a word for the thickness of tights

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