sex, attractiveness, (- - -) 

Quickly reaching the point where even the few people who find me attractive are going to start drifting away. There will be fewer and fewer of them, and I’ll just keep aging and getting ugly and no one will want me.

And feeling lately like somehow it’s going to hurt my husband to go out and seek those experiences I can get while I can isn’t helping.

mood swings mh(-) 

I’ve been having a time of it.

Ups have been writing plot for my LARP.
Downs? Feeling old and unattractive and having to listen to every fucking person talk about their fucking weight loss and gym gains and fucking worthless fad diets and bariatric surgery.

Flirting with a cute boy who I’ve been upfront with and who is interested but also having them tell me all about the VERY HOT GUY they’re fucking is making me feel some kind of way.

I’ve been thinking lately, with its sequel just released, about Barsk. It’s a book I very much dug.
My only real issues with it are furry fandom related, and one of them isn’t even about the book per se.

1. The entire book, ultimately, hinges on a question that we in the furry community long ago more or less left behind.

2. There’s a part of me that’s really annoyed that it spawned at least one list of “furry” books that didn’t include a single book from any of our small presses.

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is it true that mastodon is actually a psyop created by hover and namecheap to spur people into paying crazy prices for hip domain names such as "balls.hypno.gongle.sigil", "godzone.fuck" and ""

old bitterness(-) 

She’s on my mind tonight.

Truth is she’s never too far. 12 years since I even saw her fucking face and I still feel the knives twist every time I think about my body.

Every time I’m reminded that most producers and most gays don’t consider me pretty enough to notice, I think of that last trip to Otakon.

I was within my rights to demand answers. We didn’t fight much.

“I want someone healthier”
I out hiked her on every trail.

It was purely that I was too fat for her.

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“I know several gay actors and they wouldn’t be considered ‘pretty’ by Disney or even by many of the other gays”

Thanks husband. That made my night so great! Perfect even

I just read the character history for a LARP PC. I am going to fuck her character’s world up in the best possible way. She and her character’s brother are going to love this!

They didn’t ignore my advice. What I mean is they literally ignored my attempting to speak.

Furries’ have this exact paradigm of fandom interaction and I could probably have given them something to think about. But instead they chose to just keep talking back and forth in the group to the exclusion, not just of me, but of everyone else in the room too.

This wasn’t a side conversation. They dominated the room with this.

It makes me fairly furious

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Last night I had the misfortune of sitting in a room with a group of people in which two of them, experienced conrunners for a literary sci-fi con and a massive anime con, monopolized the conversation to the exclusion of everyone else.

They were discussing the problem of getting younger blood into their cons because youth’s interaction with fandom is entirely online.

10 times I tried to speak and was ignored entirely. As a con runner myself, I had some actual insights that could’ve been useful

dental ouch, x-rays 

My teeth are fucked.
Molar 1 on the upper right side: needs crown, possible root canal. Two fillings on both upper right bicuspids. Upper left 1sr bicuspid broken apart and needs finished extraction. Second bicuspid too bad a cavity inside to save.

I feel like shit about this. Like I am a failure at basic hygiene.

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There is always a price to pay. The Tarot cards spent the whole day listening to people's problems, and giving advice.
In the evening, she lined them all up - empress, fool, lovers, and the others - to listen to their concerns, and try to help as well as she could.

Finally pinpointed the “how dare you discuss politics” moment that caused a tantrum at my podcast recording.

It’s pretty tame. I’m not going to feel bad about it.

I have suddenly been filled with the irrepressible desire to make sure my library card is renewed and spend excessive time in my local branch.

USPOL Vaguetooting 

Sometimes people drift apart from an artistic community. It happens. But storming out in a huff because people don’t like your shitbag politics or president just shows you were never worthy of the artistic community you tried to be a part of. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

I’m going to Anthrocon. Leaving in the morning

body issues (-) 

I’m a fucking blob of garbage

body issues, mh(- - - -) 

My wedding pictures are finally done. They are amazing. The photographer did an amazing job

I look like a fucking cow. I look like Jabba. Or Pizza the Hut.

If I could live through the process without damage I’d just get a kitchen knife and carve off the thick layer of blubber this rotting meatsack of mine has hanging on it.

No wonder everyone wants to run off with Mangi for a romp and not me.

How can I simultaneously feel I don’t have time to keep in touch with people and IN THE SAME BRAIN feel in any way like someone who doesn’t reach out to ME doesn’t value MY friendship at all?

What kind of intellectually dishonest jackhole mubfubbery is this?!

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