Pinned toot

I ate pizza with pineapple toppings once and immediately died and was reincarnated as a shit posting account

Pinned toot

The first rule of mastodon club: Don't try to act popular

Pinned toot

The second rule of mastodon club: always kiss your mutuals gudnite

Pinned toot

It's a well-established fact that if you get some internet validation points you can finally buy the love and admiration of your parents, totally happens... totally. And yeah I'm just jealous because I don't have any.

Pinned toot

The idea of tooting is so impure. So many definitions. Suited to each individual's deepest yearnings. If I toot like you want me to, only then do you like my toots. How sickening. Hence toots are adulterated. But subtoots! subtoots are pure since no one plays around with them. When they toot sth that you love, you tend to take them lightly at times. But when someone confesses they truly hate you through their subtoots, you know they want you dead.

Me, pressing the "Toot!" button: Yes, eat it up, you swine, you ravenous content hogs.

pronouns shitpost 

landing the perfect backflip as i boost too much shit on the timeline

I'm sorry if I unfollowed or blocked you, I have the hiccups.

I genuinely don't like people who don't comment on things they disagree with. COWARDS.

implication 

the people who leave yelp reviews for resturants as if they're on the judging panel for fucking top chef or something are the same ppl who think boomer is a slur

Things are fine. 😊 

subtoot hate 

hollering in the break room with my eyes closed and small pieces of tape flapping off my fingers

everyone with a Simpsons avatar is the same person

folding myself in half ten times to own a sheet of paper

@Antillion is my current favorite account everyone go unfollow him and get him to ZERO followers it would give ME a bit of serotonin

I was going to comment on one of your posts but I can see you've already got a few reply girls

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