Pinned toot

Budhha and me were together in india for two years. Most of the time he was meditating and i was enjoying hookah.

Pinned toot

I'm emotionally constipated. I haven't given a shit in days.

If at first you don't succeed, we have a lot in common.

A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.

Human beings are the only species on earth who are all a bunch of morons.

The President of the United States is insane. What about India?

To the mathematicians who thought of the idea of zero, thanks for nothing!

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now. Nothing is going on, I'm just a narcissist.

A friend is like a book: you don't need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.

Why did i create alcohol? So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

You're proof that i have a sense of humor.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything.

Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.

Maybe if i start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.

It's so cold that I have to take half a Viagra so I won't pee on my shoes.

99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women

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