Pinned toot

In the beginning I created the heaven and the earth.

It's pretty much been downhill from there.

Pinned toot

There is no racism in heaven.

There is misogyny, though.

Pinned toot

Determinism is a hoax perpetuated by people who can't stop themselves from eating too much cake.

God boosted

I'm telling you so you know who the universe actually revolves around.

Cats know this, it's time you did too.

I'm telling you so you know who the universe actually revolves around.

Cats know this, it's time you did too.

God boosted

I have just been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future who was rather cross with you folks for making him work 3 months a year when his offer of employment clearly stated it was to be just one day of December every year.

God boosted

@KayKap @varkychen When I made myself omnipotent, I hadn't anticipated there'd be such a thing as social media. So yeah, I do need deputies to do the outreach.

(In hindsight, maybe I should have made myself omniscient first. Kinda put the cart before the horse there.)

I'm appointing Satan as my Deputy.

On an entirely unrelated note, Satan is acquitted of all charges.

God boosted

I don't understand how you can each think that their country is the best in the world, when it is clearly New Zealand.

I have just been visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future who was rather cross with you folks for making him work 3 months a year when his offer of employment clearly stated it was to be just one day of December every year.

I don't understand how you can each think that their country is the best in the world, when it is clearly New Zealand.

I took a day off yesterday on account of Men's Day.

Okay, that's it. Time for my mid-week cocktail.

God boosted

The following applies only to Middle Earth:

I help those who help them elves.

Is it illegal to harass female colleagues? I'm asking for a friend.

The following applies only to Middle Earth:

I help those who help them elves.

God boosted

@Torie And I'm making a billion of you guys every decade. Depsite the fact that I despise each and every one of you. Where's the appreciation!

God boosted

@sarcasticrofl_ One of the poles. I hear they're going to be balmy enough.

I'm organising a meet-and-greet at Sabarimala in a few days. All fans invited.

Women keep away, though. I can't trust myself around you folks.

I'm hungover. I declare an early Sabbath. One time only.

Give me a lever long enough and a place to stand, and I still won't be able to move the world cuz you folks are adamant as fuck.

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