Discount Matt Damon✨ @Thurguston@mastodon.social
Ever need a Matt Damon but dont have the 4.7 billion dollars to rescue him from space pirates?
(they/them)
Joined May 2017
Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Pinned toot
Subtooting my followers, you know who you are
❤️❤️❤️
Pinned toot
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
thinking in real time
for real, though, i've never seen a space negotiate what "difference" means with as much intensity as this platform. there's an implicit understanding, in a lot of queer places, and, to a lesser extent, in leftist spaces in general, that difference isn't something you passively "tolerate", but rather something you specifically *help people realise*
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
@geet forming a focus group for my toots and asking my republican parents for their “red state perspective”
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
I'm too sleepy for a proper #FatBoyFall post but fat boys and bois are still so cute #FatBoiFall
my current mood is hungry hungry hippos playing pool
neon genesis evangalion except all the characters are angry birds and the angels are pigs.
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
i fuckin hate it when i die adn some asshole finds all of my audio diaries that i record about everything that happens to me
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
when the archaeologists found that guy jerking his dick at pompeii that was environmental storytelling
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
all i wanna do is
*gunshot sounds*
*cash register sound*
and watch voyager
I spent most the night cuddling with him because I was worried he was dying
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
Mike's Hard Mac and Cheese
my poor kitty has a squinty eye and I took him to the vet this morning and they found he had an eye ulcer
I'm sure this would be less funny if I'd gotten some sleep last night
In ancient rome there were various types of of gladiators with fighting styles similar to pokemon the most popular two were “thraeces” and “murmillones". One was given a set of assless armor, the other a dildo chainsaw
when I return from my voyage with a new 13 month calendar, there will be a grand festival
buying a used boat to go sailing in search of the missing 13th month
now I just want to design a dildo chainsaw
I just heard somebody spent 600 dollars in a sex shop. My horribly broken brain immediately thought they bought a dildo chainsaw.
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
Big noodle energy
Discount Matt Damon✨
boosted
Ever need a Matt Damon but dont have the 4.7 billion dollars to rescue him from space pirates?
(they/them)
Joined May 2017
Server run by the main developers of the project 
It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!