Fuck this place.

Burn it down.

I’m over at bofa.lol now.


Later you d-list ass kissers.

It’s past midnight and I’m walking around my neighborhood looking for a dog I saw last night who seemed lost.

If I get shot, know I got shot doing what I love the most. Posting on social media at the worst times.

On Louis CK:

People on the left hold everyone to a standard. It’s not a high standard. The standard is to be decent.

When we dog pile on people on our side and not the other we not being fair.

I like Louis CK, but he was super shitty and hasn’t atoned at all.

I only get angry at his treatment because of how many super shitty people on the right get away with this shit without us dog piling on them.

I don’t mind us policing people, but fucking police everyone.

My partner and I both have a huge crush on Nicky Nichols from Orange is the New Black and I don’t even watch the show.

I’m on my fifth long trip to the bathroom today and I’m beginning to worry.

I love the environment, but can we get disposable pots and pans now?

How awkward will it be if there is a heaven and you find yourself in a situation where you’re explaining your Pickle Rick face tattoo to Joan of Arc and Hemingway?

My wife received a package two days ago and has yet to open it.

What kind of sick discipline is this?

Self-harm and suicidal thoughts 

Don't you hate it when you stay up all night trying to figure out a way to give yourself Lock in Syndrome? Like it's my biggest fear and death is mercy to me so I really need to figure out how to get to my basilar artery…

Today the left will mourn an American that believed strongly in the America that kills not only citizens of other countries, but citizens of America by denying them the healthcare that kept him alive for far too long.

He was a true American republican.

Cecil needs to smell everything this morning since he smells bad from the dog park last night.

I set Screen Time to only allow me on social media for an hour and eleven minutes.

I’m already 20-ish minutes in and it’s not even dawn.

I have many regrets.

“Baby I could build a castle / Out of all the bricks they threw at me” ― Miss Taylor Swift who might not get why people were throwing bricks if she is going to make a castle out of them. They were throwing bricks at her for that.

It’s 4:07. I haven’t done my creative pages and I’m not feeling Uffie right now.

Maybe Peaches?

It’s 3:49 am and centrists have already pissed me off.

I didn’t even see a comment by one of them.

I simply thought about them.

The difference between conservatives and progressives is that one’s idea of fairness is based on justice and one is based on empathy. The difference between these two groups and centrists is that you can’t say a progressive or a conservative is a horrible person with massive character defects without more information.

I like to think of myself as Thor, but I’m low-key Loki.

Who drank the last of the vanilla soy milk?

The mischief deity over here did.

Sorry that I am not sorry.

It was delicious.

Bow down.

*murders you*


The Library of Congress’ new identity was designed by a comity of people with no respect for the library and decided on by a comity of people who have no respect for design.

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