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Did you know that I am invisible? But only when no one is around.

I will love you even when you dont forward those chain letters.

That strange moment when you wake up 1 minute before your alarm clock.

Why does Jesus think he’s so special if you are all my children?

Just remember one thing today: you do NOT need to give your opinion. You probably don't know enough, and that's okay.

Whatever happens, no God would want disruption of peace. Let's keep it that way.

Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?

Q.What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A.Their balls are just for decoration.

Sometimes I send one of your EX back in your life just to check if you are still stupid.

I created earth and heaven, the rest was made in China.

Q. How can I make you laugh?

A. Tell me your plans.

If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.

Money can't buy happiness; it can, however, rent it.

I love you... everyone else thinks your an asshole.

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