‪I saw tiger‬
‪Now I understand‬
‪I saw tiger‬
‪and tiger saw man‬

Is everyone going to just keep pretending that the buttons on the Switch aren’t backwards?

‪ Can we just officially cancel April Fool’s Day this year but also forever?‬


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You think you’re a hardcore gamer with your Destiny 2 or your Doom Eternal?

I just watched my partner put down Animal Crossing : New Horizons to play Animal Crossing : Pocket Camp. Then pick the Switch up again when she finished with her iPhone because THAT IS HOW SHE TAKES BREAKS!

I know this is a big ask and yes we should have been more prepared. Animal Crossing comes at you fast.

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My spouse desperately wants to play the new Animal Crossing (I could also be convinced to make a character) but we cannot find a normal switch for sale anywhere right now. Ideally I wanted a package deal with the game. Any suggestions?

It use to be that I couldn’t watch House of Cards anymore because it felt too close to the reality I was trying to escape.

Now I can’t watch The Walking Dead.

I don’t believe in fate, destiny, karma or divine intervention. I do believe in irony though.

Be good and be safe. Watch out for each other and we’ll get through this together.

People were swearing in my company work chat today. These are the end times.

This is a friendly reminder that you are an absolute delight :flow: That is all.

I came up with a joke about how only in Maine could you get Corona with a side of Lyme and of course it already exists.

Stop stealing my stuff before I say it.

There are automated messages of someone responding that people use to trick telemarketers and waste their time while they ignore the call. They appear to be someone answering and there are numerous ones that can be incredibly elaborate in their design. My job involves calling people and I get them a lot. We’re suppose to disconnect but ...
My confession is that I never “catch on” because I want to hear every moment of these wonderful audio sketches and they’re the only thing I like about my job.

covid19 prep, serious/dark 

I had a dream last night that I went to a movie and everyone was coughing. I was so scared of getting sick that I could barely focus. That’s not important though. The movie was a 90’s style cartoon called VAMPIRATES and they were sailing on a sea of blood and I’m gonna be rich

Sorry but I just caught a bad case of making fun of the thing I’m most scared of at the moment.

What if this pandemic is just the whole world suddenly developing an allergy for assholes?

I wonder if people would be upset to know how much hand sanitizer the TSA has just thrown away.

Mark my words. There’s going to be a hell of a market for cowbells soon.

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