Pinned toot

hello everybody, i worked really hard on this song/video and it would mean a lot to me if you checked it out!!

CW: EC, MH, SUICIDE MENTION

bit.ly/2N16X1Q

'drop' the bass... 'raise' the roof... will we ever be satisfied with things as they are

*darth erogenous voice* so ive been watching a lot of ape footage lately

heckler : [ indecipherable]

jimmy carr: well er sorry mate but two plus two, equals fuck you

youtube stand up fan: the craftsmanship... i will never mess with jimmy carr...

r/standupshots is the funniest subreddit by a country mile but i don't think its on purpose

self care is when i remove my own appendix without anaesthetic or a reason

if you are thirstily wandering through the desert and see a well in the distance, it’s probably a mirage. the desert might also be a mirage. you might be in your kitchen

fuck yes brie larson just built eight sweatshops in bangladesh

my wife walks in on me eating fruit off the floor naked, making monkey sounds.. "this is even worse than being caught jacking off", i think. so i start jacking off. but it doesnt help because im still doing the monkey sounds

if you lie down on the ground for long enough the soil will take you in

thinking about the time i sent an email with like 4 different questions to my elderly russian professor and his reply just said "My response is Yaes."

listening to the nixon tapes on my beats headphones

they should make dentures but for teeth. oh wait thats dentures

Show more
Mastodon

Server run by the main developers of the project 🐘 It is not focused on any particular niche interest - everyone is welcome as long as you follow our code of conduct!