been polyamorous all my dating life, but never been part of the "poly community." I get turned off when people talk about polyamory like it's some kind of pyramid scheme they're trying to sell.
this one guy was talking about how he did "kitchen table" polyamory and had to break it off with a girl who wasn't being involved enough with group activities with his other partners. He seemed surprised that I took the side of his ex, saying if I had a partner who wanted more space I'd give them that space and not try to force a friendship with my other partners. The ones who want to be friends can be friends. what's wrong with having multiple styles simultaneously?
i think there's also something to be said that if you have a polyamorous partner who is defining the terms and boundaries of your *other* relationships then that feels like a red flag for controlling behavior.
@alexlaw Is that polyamory or a comune?
@thenomad he called it a "family" but it seemed to me the only part that made it family-like was the forced group activities and chores.
@alexlaw So, a classic dysfunctional family then.
@alexlaw learning that you can (and should) only control your own reactions and actions and not others is one of the hardest lessons to learn
@alexlaw I mean, it sounds like they want something different out of their relationships, breaking up or seeing each other less seems like the thing to do.
@alexlaw My least favourite of that whole thing is
Person A: "My boyfriend cheated on me and I don't know whether I should forgive him or where we should go next!"
Person B: "Maybe you two could consider polyamory?"
@cassolotl oh god, I woulda been like "dump that motherfucker"
@alexlaw Yeah same! :D
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