been polyamorous all my dating life, but never been part of the "poly community." I get turned off when people talk about polyamory like it's some kind of pyramid scheme they're trying to sell.

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this one guy was talking about how he did "kitchen table" polyamory and had to break it off with a girl who wasn't being involved enough with group activities with his other partners. He seemed surprised that I took the side of his ex, saying if I had a partner who wanted more space I'd give them that space and not try to force a friendship with my other partners. The ones who want to be friends can be friends. what's wrong with having multiple styles simultaneously?

i think there's also something to be said that if you have a polyamorous partner who is defining the terms and boundaries of your *other* relationships then that feels like a red flag for controlling behavior.

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@thenomad he called it a "family" but it seemed to me the only part that made it family-like was the forced group activities and chores.

@alexlaw learning that you can (and should) only control your own reactions and actions and not others is one of the hardest lessons to learn

@alexlaw I mean, it sounds like they want something different out of their relationships, breaking up or seeing each other less seems like the thing to do.

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