Being a victim of someone that is “important”, popular, or even remotely famous is a special hell because you can’t talk about it without having their actions excused and you just have to watch them being admired and loved and it feels like you aren’t human enough for it to be considered wrong. I am happy this is all burning to the ground. It can’t burn fast enough.
When it happened to me he was a big video game composer. Everyone sided with his actions no mater how unprofessional his behavior because he was too important for the game. I never really talked about it much (what’s the use, I heard all the excuses and blame game), except in small segments to friends I guess to get it off my chest, and it eats me everyday. I can’t play games he composed for because it hurts. Hearing conversations where people where gushing over his work was like dying.
I’m so lucky I didn’t let that destroy me and somehow got past him to have a place in games and be recognized for my work (something that felt like would never happen). It was all so impossible. I don’t know what I’m doing with this post. Will probably delete after a while. Still afraid. I hope this all burns to the ground.
It’s these horrible social repercussions for saying anything and even being the target of a person like that that gets you. Fan culture is hell in this case, and then the “he’s too important” thing. Their work is too important for the game, too important for everyone’s success (stop being so selfish and suck it up). They are so good at assigning blame to you, and making it feel like your fault.
Under all these circumstances there isn’t much you can do other than be quiet about it. When people wonder or ask why victims don’t speak up, it’s this. Nobody listens and blame is always assigned to the victim. The predator is so good at acting like a victim themselves (think abou their career if you speak up, you are destroying someone’s future). It’s a hopeless situation to be in.
Ok I’m probably going to delete all this after a while because my hands are shaking and I don’t want to have this on my mind as I travel, but if anyone is reading this, I hope it sinks in. Please never blame the victim especially for their silence. Listen to them. This is not easy and predators need society to get away with this. It’s a sophisticated manipulation and power game.
@alienmelon Brave people like you are how we are slowly shutting down the "boy's club" for good (waaaaay too slow compared to an ideal world but at least it's progress). Thank you for sharing this.
@alienmelon I'm so, so sorry to hear what you are still going through. I don't know what else to say besides: I'll always believe you.
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