housemate just burst into my room
him: its not funny
me: excuse me
him: james im not KIDDING
he looks very worried. he hands me this torn piece of a card
him: please tell me you did it
him: i just opened the cutlery drawer and this was on top
me: i got a spoon out the drawer ten minutes ago and there was nothing..?
him: SO DID I
it's 10 o'clock at night. nobody else is in the flat. the door is locked. the windows are closed. we are fuckin TERRIFIED
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