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cara @caraellison@mastodon.social

Pinned toot

Hey! My lovely geniusfriend and all round renaissancemansdude @matthewseiji made ambient sounds for my 90s style girlhackertopia. Have a listen: caraellison.co.uk/

Well I'm taking @esdin to the sordid chicken hut.

Notorious thirstmonger confesses she thought the name 'Blake Shelton' was a parody American name people made up for memes

As a reckless aimless young woman roaming the landscape of capitalism I learned the skills of photocopier/printer wrangling early and hard. I just used them to save a helpless man in trouble. I am the romantic hero we all admire

The crab is a very high detail photograph of a crab.

Maybe I've drunk too much coffee.

WHY IS THERE A CRAB ON THIS ONE SLIDE POWERPOINT

The crab has a perfect drop shadow on it

I showed it to a colleague and they don't seem to think there's anything weird about this

Just opened a PowerPoint file with a banal title and it's just one slide and someone has just put a massive picture of a crab

There are SO MANY DOGS in the office today I'm completely disarmed I just want to lie on the floor and be mauled by one

I'm eating the worlds greatest meatball. It's like a mountain on top of snowy orzo, like a proud boulder from a glacier age

Personally I'm delighted that @jennatar is delighted about the Greggs baby Jesus sausage roll debacle

cara boosted

Why are you still all following me

Basically it's me and Rosario Dawson left single. I hear Bob Dylan is single but I don't know if he can open his eyes at this point

I'm trying to teach my body it can't have good looking men. I'm starving it to punish it for wanting these things, especially now I'm 32 and no man is single

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@caraellison I'm told after six months of abstinence you gain the power to disintegrate men with deadly eye-beams

I've been fasting but instead of food, sex. It's working out apart from I fear I might have become some sort of accidental female equivalent of a Muscular Christianity adherent

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A reminder for when you need to reach out for help:

You are not a burden for asking for help

Someone cares about you and wants to help

We all need help- not sometimes but often

You don't need to know what to say- focus on saying anything

You are worth helping

You deserve kindness, support, and love

You are not selfish for asking for help, we need and want you here 💚

This has been your reminder, often times we need them. Solidarity comrades ✊ 💚 💜 💚

if you teach the consumer they are always right, then when they don't get their way now they're sending u death threats. years of this bs coming back to fuck everything up

There's a reason both banshees and Cassandra of myth are women